to porkchop frenchi

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Your lack of words might though, as your eyes avert me. I quietly pray, to my dismay, for your words to reach me. I get you in parts, filtered in from the dark, where your bones lie staunch and dirty. If it's dirt dug up, I'll know by the tone, but the profiler knows to show me, the good in you that I don't get as you continuously ignore me. By the time we meet, it's all said and done, there's nothing that will smite me. Unless it's you of course, holding a stick, swinging it right at me. My bones may break then, but my heart won't, and you'll be very sorry. (second stanza i just made up now with no editing so pardon my rhyming) For true love is my goal and with that nothing violent will ever reach me. Abuse is done, I know it well, and I see past it rightly. You're deaf, you're dumb, and you might have a problem with that son. Ghostings for teens who don't know what feelings are, because they never had any. Last I checked you're an adult now so why are you so mean to me? It must be someone talking shit to you totally all about me. Listen carefully because its profiled to you, Im sold in parts, and you don't know me. So the profiler might tell you about me too, but you won't recognize me. A union is a friendship did and comes right back in at me. You deny it now but come down the line time will be unkind to your doubting. For all you know you might as well already mightily love me. But I get that you won't know until you come very close to me. That words are fun, a way to squirm, fly, and haunt other people to learning you. The curve is real and the arc remains true: I did love you, but it might have been in ancient times totally way back when. That times long gone but my heart knows I did and thats the bend the arc makes as i try to astral travel to see you. This poem is just but a way for me to tell you that I dont bite: Bark I do and its to say that awoooooooooooooooooo i do love you. Love me back: the pitiful cry of Joan of Arc will not die. Her tale is true the arc is clean and no martyr are we. Lets have some fun and party. Avoid adulting and act foolishly. Night time comes soon enough, don't be caught without me. I dont know where you go so take me next time you show Up to see your friends in the city. Because i live in an industrial town theres no one here thatll take me. So come show me what you like dont hesitate dont doubt me. But if you choose go and leave me alone I wont cry for you. Ill just know that next life though, itll be you coming after me. For true love is spent when you stay dead to someone happy to see you. Quelch this you try but smoldering ashes fly out tue phoenix my countries bird, blazing hot and splendid. Ready to do that thing again and wont it ever hurt me. I guess not because truth is rare and precious is the only thing that deserts me. No fault of mine its usually stolen from me By a traitor who was given access to my belongings where he showed me, a traitor true cold blooded hue of hatred and violence at me. But sticks and stones can break my bones and words will never hurt me. It includes the words you leave out because those words are well within you. So keep not saying what is true as I try to relieve my sadness at losing you this lifetime. So long ago did we meet maybe we were one person split in two changed genders too and now we have forgotten. But i say thats not true amd words words words is all ill ever do to you.

hand sani

somebody left their hand sanitizer on my coffee table and that wouldn't be a big deal, but I haven't let anybody in and I don't know anybody who came in and said they left their hands on my table. I didn't let anybody in and I didn't see anybody here, but when I came home, there was a small bottle of hand sanitizer on my coffee table. It was beside the larger bottle of alcohol, which I use for other things and I have a hand sanding over there in the other table, but this hand is special because it was an uninvited unwelcome addition to my stress and horrible life of being abused by people I know third parties and people I don't know through gas lighting and harassment theft and literal violence. they come in here and smoke in here they steal my drugs they destroy every aspect of my life i become fearful and because i have been only gaslighted for most or all my life i have disabilities regarding relationships with people and a terrible mood disorder. those large crowds of people laughing might be hub caps but i doubt it. too real is the life of a targeted abused individual where everyone who looks or watches her is her abuser then you have people in real life who are even closer still and those people are the ones who finish her off. this is why i had to use "her" in no way shape or form do i want to be that girl. but everyone who uses my devices and apartment for their own ideas about me (a stranger or maybe even people i know) are criminally entering my home and disrbing my quorum sensing abilities and these people have disabled me. they rob me and harm me because i sense them but they hide in plain sight and i am not supposed to know theyre there. they look like third party non disclosure place holders where this social engineering scheme has replaced people with other people using their profile-their inferred profile- this is why everyone in the world now feel extreme isolation. third parties and non disclosure actors in bad faith have been living with us for decades destroying individual lives of the brilliant the best the most beautiful and certainly any extreme in talent or skill- anyone of worth- third parties and non disclosure holders interacting with a targeted individual is everything and most of anything everyone of substance or worth has been subjugated to by whoever used any lawyer to write their companies policy or terms. Everyone I know. Everyone real legitimate and found online. Stalked to death to point of almost complete debilitation. Fuck these people fucking murder them. Theyre idiots for taking the job to begin with. They destroyed everything we built up momentum for and they stole our entire lives while pretending to be passerbys on the street.

CRASH: Thus, Y2K

probably the bank is the one who stole the money from all the casinos theyre the ones who started this mess by standing up for the indian girl who committed fraud while i was talking to her on the phone :/ as customer service. wtf bank. fuck no wonder people hate banks. every tent encampment is actually a revival of wall street back in the 90s or early 2000s remember that whole oust bankers thing they camped out on wall street ??? fucking assholes i dont doubt the bank pumped maRs the ad agency to make a gazillion ads on every cash game that is miscategorized as a casual or action game instead of casino in the app store. their skirting the categories leaves them room to make questionable casino advertisments served in ontario and thats against the agco’s rules. the bank and its marketing efforts ey. what do you think of my theory. id ask you to paypal me but its the bank that is stealing my casino wins that are sent out via etf because interac looks to be peoples trust which is visa and they collaborate on data for fraud checking. the issue im having is how the bank keeps fucking with me every time time does its little jolt ⚡️ and we go either backwards/forwards in time without succession so we do the same things over again without really noticing because it just happened or it happened the day before or we just keep going and pick up the pieces as we go along (my theory) so what happens here? i have a theory because it was clearly shown to me by example while i was homeless and witnessed this exact event as it keep coinciding with my understanding of the time. i used to be very good at keeping time and could wake every morning quite accurately at 5.6.7 whatever early time as long as i had the time the night before or i wake at the crack of dawn. the second a trace of sunlight touches my face my eye bolt open and im awake what. so in 2017 after i synched the three clocks and accidentally made halifax the same time zone on my laptop (not brackens old laptop and not the one i had been given - a macbook pro, but the one that alvaro bought to replace ny second one because he smashed mine on a bed frame and in a flash of guilt bought me anew refurbished in box macbook pro. that laptop) i did notice my timing was off because time snapped and i saw the start of it by coincidence on time and date . com as i was watching the suns rotation on it (it used to show the degrees of the angle of sunlight and earth axis in succession on time and date . com and one day i was watching it for a really long time and started seeing the pattern of numbers and then one second i saw a differnt number and slowly the pattern became jagged like and i realized time had just be len broken and fastforwarded like it jumped. i didnt think the two event were caused by each other but i think they might have been. i caught a huge rift in time AND synchronization and i think it was worldwide. it is within this space that the indian hackers are able to crack pages open because the time there is left blank- it simply doesnt exist. they (time keepers and systems) didnt add extra time to time to account for these irregularities maybe. but i did catch it and i have proof. wait. i just checked and i cant find it. i think someone stole it a while ago - ill have to keep looking but i caught the rift i paid for parking you know those parking meters some body stole my proof theyre probably reading this and are going to steal my story again but i want to tell the public. i caught the rift by paying for parking from the parking meters i saved those reciets the ones you put on your dashboard. in succession i walked along christie area past the park and paid along the entire way for parking just so id have those receipts as proof and somebody stole it from my documents. there was a growing misprint i noticed it on fast food receipts and knew it was the same thing and if not mitigated would end in disaster. thus Y2K. a mis-synch.

on todays menu... stabby!

 today im going to make something but i dont know what.  the market is in 3 days.

maybe more pouches. i have this super cute "france tourism" fabric i dont know how to use. its got pictures , drawings and fundamentalist colourful, of france scenes: little scooter, eiffel tower, cute side streets, i think theres a poodle in there... ill post a pic from my phone:

i wanted to quilt it but i dont know how to add the other shapes around it. what shapes. where.

oh i just remembered these already made project panels i bought. yay im going to use them. theres 4 of these placemat projects but im going to make it a pouch with an outside pocket:

also just bought an $18 bag of quilt batting 45x60 inches or so arriving tomorrow thanks to amazon. kind of expensive for a small piece it is polyester. i read all the cotton reviews and i just gave up. it looks like most come apart when washed and you have a lump of cotton between the unquilted portions . i was thinking i should use instacart more if im lazy. i have to go to the dufferin fabricland before it shuts down for good everything is on discount clearance. they opened one on yonge and bloor which is so convenient so that dufferin one is closing. anyway that dufferin on transit is a bus ride and walking but its by highways in a really uncomfortable manner. busy highways, so uncomfortable to walk by. i dont have a car so i never go to the locations that are super far unless i live near them somehow like the dufferin one i was living in north york at the time.... those landlords havent paid me back yet. did you read about twitter having to sue the ADL some jewish defamation league, for defamation, on twitter? like wow guys these jewish people are getting way out of control if they want to remain as a whole person, just one jewish, just jew, they really need to step it up. like my old landlord is super uber jewish with 11 children im not sure if they were like amish people or something but they were like amish people or something totally lying through the skin of their teeth nodding their heads ..... in the end they refuse to return my damage deposit after threatening me so many fucking times about smoking inside the house and i wasnt smoking pot in the house whatsoever like one time i even tested it and knew those fucking kids were right at my door spying on me, depressing me, harassing me, i busted up, loudly, the stankiest weed i had bought in a while to ROLL a joint and i could hear them giddily gobbling up a single terp, one molecule of cannabinoid in their delicate spying little fucking noses... could literally hear them giggling and saying thats def weed lol, fucking annoying brady bunch looking all uniform wearing little fuckers.... constantly running up around forcing the little ones to stomp on top of my entire apartment when parents were not home, just miserable fucking children with nothing to do when at home, like honestly and vacuuming right first thing the girls would do in the morning after getting ready for their boring ass days ffs..... yeah i felt fucing tortured in the freezing cold basement with a broken kitchen window and sticky walls that pat and i painted first fucking thing he did, ew the walls in the kitchen were repulsive, only 1,300 i says though the laundry was 4 blocks away easy,  carpeted too with the most hideous flooring in the main room, all beige and browns and streaky looking and not shiny. just ew.  in the end they steal my last months rent because he demanded me to pay rent the month i was moving out and i gave them enough notice, they were fucking horrible traumatizing fucks that didnt pay me back, he demanded i pay rent on the last month i stayed, and i had painted the kitchen and one side of the main room. i also detail cleaned the bathroom and mopped the dingy cough inducing mildewey carpeted walls. and also detail cleaned the black mold on the venetian blind in the entrance window, which was completely filthy. as if i dont charge myself for what i do. i had to live there. their place from the looks of it, was meticulous. not sure why or how their rental was so affordable in comparison to the rest? hmm. with the money they stole they could have bought me a washer dryer and another month would have paid for carpet removal and linoleum or double paned windows, just no as if that plus what they did to me was what i deserved plus forcing me to pay a months rent on the month i was to leave, so what the fuck did i pay the damage deposit for? these fucking people thought it was ok, after literally renting the place with a fucking social worker explaining my condition and trauma regarding theft with a well written letter, plus albion housings crew coming to explain and get the lease etc holy fucking shit i even had the ministry of housing pay them directly, to which they did and accidentally over paid them because of how the housing costs are doled out by agency or department and not a the lump sum oh just fucking no. incredible trauma from these people like why show me your whole fam and say youre this without telling me you were like super poor . well i guess this is what i understood. but yo i asked the guy the landlord if they were ok for moneey- because he had my damage and no word of a lie said not a single word to me about the fucking gorgeous paint job pat did in that god awful kitchen, an indication of pure fuckery coming....... ugh so where was i, at a loss of $1,548 by the hands of a large fundamentalist jewish family of 11.... blatant thieves i felt my human rights were being flagrantly violated, bullied by children and stigmatized by adults about pot smoking is not what you want in a basement suite with no laundry in the middle of nowhere and a highway to cross daily.  

yeah so what am i going to make today. i hope something that makes me some money!!  ooooh maybe ill make stabby, my stuffed aromatherapy knife.  you just drip essential oils onto it and it smells good while you stab away at stuff! yeah! i wonder if i can use the black and white gingham for the knife part... what about the handle just plain black? i have polka dots but i think it would be too busy and both non black. yeah totally gonna make stabby today. been thinking about this project for a while.

today im smoking on maple pancakes by potluck. tastes just like original haze! yummy! got it at the ocs for like 40 a quarter so worth it though the convenience and its packaged cleanly no animal hairs.... 

new vintage items in my etsy shop

 click on the image to go to the listing - ok sorry i took them all down again because etsy cant manage to figure out how to pay me. they keep telling me its my fault but i gave them even a god damn detailed bank statement which puts my financial privacy at their mercy and they continue to insult me so i give up and the only stuff left in my shop is stuff im ok to have to give away if someone wants it. although i realize this is stupid. i have a new shop now its nicoletirona.bigcartel.com

three 14 kt gold filled pendant necklaces (small pendant on fine chain)

https://itsyourlife.etsy.com/ca/listing/1530505040/gold-filled-rough-diamond-heart-necklace

https://itsyourlife.etsy.com/ca/listing/1544668525/gold-filled-cubic-zirconia-solitaire-18

https://itsyourlife.etsy.com/ca/listing/1544653575/gold-filled-evil-eye-necklace-18-inches

my grandmothers pins were stolen by black people

Mama nenas letter n pin and mama nings pin we made for her birthday with a picture of her portrait were stolen by those disgusting men who took over the house and assumed i was the person who was going to be demolished so they could take my place. And did they demolish. They threw my books all over the sidewalk with marbles and when i went out to get them they locked me out of the house with my keys and everything inside. Then they started to pick through my room and they chose what they wanted all my gold jewlery my grandmothers pins and all my photographs from the 90' to 2006 or so. I cant find my world atlas and i didnt see all of my art books the muchas and the ones i had in my room the book im in the book chuck wrote and all my favorite books. My furniture they stole my large mirror black bench two stainless steel organizers and a wooden cube shelf my wire basket and my light table bed tray. My large hamper and two chairs one with wheels and made of bent plywood and metal and the other a metal directors chair. Those black men christopher and gerald and adam and kun and the basement dwellers and doris aka dora and her bf in 337 dovercourt rd toronto on m6j3e4, robbed me and physically assaulted me and treated me badly for a reason and that is because they are stupid men violent men who believe anything someone tells them about a woman and they go after that woman as evident here. The police even helped them succeed on numerous occations. They destroyed my room completely then they went after me in the shelter. I tested it with tweets and sure enough im positive christopher was commanding a group of black staff in the shelter to harm us participants. And that is why black lives matter is dangerous to civilization as a whole. They harassed me for a year and disrespected and violated me for no fucking reason and they STOLE MY GRANDMOTHERS PINS BECAUSE THEY ARE DISGUSTING BLACK PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THEY MATTER MORE THAN ME AND MY FAMILY AND THEY WANTED TO MURDER ANYTHING I HAD WITH STRONG WHITE WOMEN, NAMELY MY GRANDMOTHERS ON MY MOTHERS SIDE. THEYRE DISGUSTING MEN AND THEY SHOULD BE PUT DOWN LIKE RABID DOGS.

more missing items

 one slipper i use for showering

my brass heart miniture spoon its vintage i bought it on ebay

my month worth of pseudoehedrine

every single marijuana baggie and recyclable container i have been collecting since about 2013 or so to document all the marijuana strains i smoked. all gone.

i have been finding stuff missing every single day since i moved here to dovercourt in kun wangs house. i found him in a mcleans article regarding his big circle gang about synthetic drugs from china.

i dont know who these bullies he hires to live here are. i dont know what to do anymore. all the fake guy friends threaten me all the time specially billy and porkchop. i am being threatened by tall unfriendly arrogant black men inside the house, the kitchen, the bathroom. there is a latino seeming couple upstairs who also threatens me, the guy always threatens me when i am inside my room and he iswith his woman who stole the living room and extra washroom upstairs. 

please send help did you see my twitter i think this is bangsimoro lanao del norte and they terrorists were using fake identities and something to do with film production to trick people into bullying me non stop

the death of my heart breaking, a requiem

 omg ive just been massacared by darryl cerelli my old friend crush i started camping with in 2019. hes a theif with a voracious addiction to meth and he stole:

my gold coin

two silver coins

all my old phones since 2012 thats about 20 phones 

a small tablet

a vuse vape unit plus charger

my frog pouch from tita amelia (who recently died)

a dvd / monitor to watch movies on

money so much money over $400 

my dignity pride self esteem and he fake liked me to have sex so he could steal from me i want to die. the police dont do anything #toronto #police #intimatepartnerviolence #IPV #help

 well that escalated rather slowly and abrubtly ended, with hopes.

so i found jacob in my real life facebook and a bunch of other tent people i dont know and a few people i did know, but worst of all was my autistic cousin luigi was there and im not sure how he got in there, he might have deactivated his account when i deleted everyone or whatever but i got really scared these trolls and influencers and propagandists might have been interacting with him. holy god hooooweee. so i told him its not safe and hope he deleted that creepy andrew jack copy cat troll that is very persistent. not sure what that is but that needs some assistance and might be just what the police and those ai people need to study. all that trolls account is fake filipino names making a mockery out of people all the comments and posts are vomit inducing and i think the troll is making my cousin sick. made me sick in less than one minute. so please can you make sure youre not feeling like you are being fooled to accept a slight because thats the worst kind of abuser and might last for years to a lifetime, very damaging, some kind of swamp creature licking at you under its fake skin of a reasonable looking humanoid. 

but the trolls. so i figured out or kind of understand the structure of what it felt like. 

it felt like someone was stealing the return on my word of mouth and original thought output online. these two sources i always usually got what i expected from the spin, mostly in different interpretations and never to my advantage except for getting the ideas across enough to be widespread enough that its legal and ok now. then it became some thing felt like it was chasing me around, a landlord who stole the identity of joe and was chasing me around town by denying me a place to live by discriminating against me cos of the nature of marijuana (/?) and at the same time housing me in strictly only the worst houses that no one else rented or wanted or were closed down due to rodents or pests, while robbing me of my health records showing that landlord (steve) in particular had given me sleep paralysis and nightmares because of his behaviour inside the house on manning, and other weird stuff when i was renting, then when i was homeless the drop ins started targeting me and shelters too, but they targeted me by my first name cos i dont think joe knows my name is michelle nicole. so it was a really strange paradigm where i used michelle as a first name and people who know me on paper use michelle, but if i met one of these plebs i would introduce that my name is nicole but michelle is fine, then the people that know me as nicole alone (this is where joe lay) and people i know from a long time ago who know my name is michelle and nicole but know me as nicole alone. really confusing for me at first but now i see why people would think i was lying about something. 

so who is joe? joe is an old cannabis shop keeper and grower from bc. i fell in love with him and he broke my heart and he took it back and offered to fly me out to come visit him but i said no and i literally never saw him again and regret it to this day.. fuckin cried about it and everything and i always felt that if i had gone out to go see him i wouldve ended up never suffering as much as i did throughout my time in canada on my own. like id totally be ok to have kids with a guy like joe. he was so responsible and quick to the task and never any hesitation after assured thought. i wouldnt even think about it with regards to responsibility but for loyalty cos i guess he was trying to make me jealous and i had just arrived to canada and i couldnt handle it cos i was badly traumatized when i arrived here and hadnt gotten over those things yet so it was too much humiliation to bare and i couldnt accept his offer which he gave the summer after we broke and i left him with some watermelon looking blonde. 

i still remember the first day i walked into that kitchen. reminds me of hey rosetta! "we made a pact" . just realized i looked up where his old shop was on commercial on this dinky creep wifi so if anyone says they know where it was and you doubt them its probably cos theyre creeping on me. 

so i found this and thought it sounds like joe but im not sure. also did he sell to green room. looking forward to voicing concerns and ideas for previously criminalized actions regarding protection of property, after all cannabis is a proven medicine and a huge relief to suffering so i really do not believe these men and women should be disallowed to work in the cannabis industry just because they were defending their right to grow and sell an ethnobotanical. entheogenic plants are a huge boon to the mental health of civilians who need to reach out to nature for a grounding back to our reality of city living. we have all forgotten that people are our main resource and without connections made through open communication we cannot compare each others schema and life arc to gauge the health of our locales and connections throughout the country and further. it was very important to me to maintain honesty as my way of communicating because i was sick with physical ailments that were never addressed and forming an unhealthy relationship with being ignored as someone with physical limitations while being followed and targeted as a source of wealth by addicted thieves was really scary. i was getting violently beaten up by guys i didnt know much at all. once by a complete stranger in a car. personal boundaries and support and what i need from people and what people want to offer as support are vastly different and very private to me anyway. 

i have been getting labeled as some crazy person who has no mind of her own and is a risk and danger to i dont know what actually, a danger to ugly houses? the police and tenants by the landlords have been putting me in camh and camh had been treating me like some wild animal tying me down to the bed and masking me and leaving me in an isolation room what the fuck i still had some sinus problems that were melting off my face then i couldnt breathe and then what was that all about with the shelter staff stealing all my clothes this one couple in particular the guy worked at st stephens and the girl worked at street haven and they both combined used their access to my privacy and they stole my clothes and followed me to grizzs tent and i saw them sell bags of clothes to him. now that i think of it i think they were looking for nicole but thought i was michelle and denied that i was nicole to the person looking for me who i think now, might be joe my first long lost marijuana boyfriend that i wouldve totally had a baby with from when i was 22 or something. now im 42 and this kind of shit is happening, still. and i just wanna die and hate going outside these days. its all minus to me. i dont get anything back from the ideas i put out there i think steve and his porkwop greek gang of goofy tards from florida and around stole a calabrian mafias reputation and word of mouth to destroy what turns out to be my almost blind father named joe too, and me, what people found out about michelle cos they were looking for nicole under the table for joe the marijuana grower. ffs. it makes way more sense than anything i ever tried to figure out and also it really depresses me cos if it was actually joe and if joe was selling weed to green room then hes been here in toronto since 2013 and i wished he got back in touch with me in 2004 but i think someone was already hiding me and obfuscating the nature of their enquiries and donations and other tokens of gratitude that were meant for me because i have been vocal and explicit about my experience with regards to legalization in canada and the medical program access i really fucked up by not being believed as a woman with physical disability, serious trauma that caused ptsd, and as well i had some maladies that worsened with stigmatization regarding these problems i had with people not communicating properly to me. anyway i think this sounds like joe. i never knew his last name, or if i did, i forgot it.  The War on BC's Small Pot Farmer | The Tyee 

OCS STRAINS

 man whittling down my ocs order is a problem i wish i didnt have. this is a great time to try the classics and hybrids that they have up. the basics afghani and hindu kush, diesel, pink kush, rockstar, 24 gold (one of my fave oranges along with acapulco), uk cheese, grapefruit x gorilla glue 4, chem og, mazar i sherif (or is it just mazer?), pink grapefruit haze (yes!) they got a jack on wholesale, and i want to try the white shark, subway scientist (this was too expenive when i first saw it in the green room on spadina), theres also a durga mata, alien dawg, something called orange apricot, and the lemons for sure, a lemon dory, lemon z, and a lemon skunk...as im still on the search for that excellent ohio "lemon" i was blessed to try once. they even have a kali mist now but how will any ever compare to the one i got from mark with a van damn that kali mist was pure driven snow fluffy and sweetly floral that filled that night at kensingtons white rooms almost steamy gathering for basils performance of repeatedly crashing into a wall until he broke through, and the flavour was anything but burnt so i passed on adding it to my ridicuously over full bag but if there was one or two grams of each i would try them all, better yet no limit and i didnt have to pay rent..... meanwhile fuckin hell again it feels like fake film background collection of the third party privacy invasion and theft need investigation into the reasons why nicole is crying HARASSMENT!!!!!!!!!!! hence the ocs order.... fantasy order...??? i havvent whittled at all nor even gone through th entire menu. jeez! better thing to do right now would be repainting my badly painted toe nail? going on a bike ride to take my medication?/ i got diagnosed add but i think im more hyper cos its moody based on trauma memories and company for inspiration for maintaining a creative and mobile space as in mobile in the sense that you can use it with ease and are comfortable your work is safe there. my quilted stolen pouches fom the davenport shelter and sistering? fucking hate that and how they stole prfumes someone ordered online and put them in my tent again hile i was sleping in my tent later that day? ugh just gross and very uncomfortable two years of for dd homelessness and stigmatization because of my lifestyle choices and landlords perceptions of what is morally good or congruent with their lifestyle and survival behaviours and outward social expressions, like honsstly gfy right? anyway i might try the ...oh fuck it i dont know what to try out from the ocs. someone offered blue dream haze but i dont like the sleepy ones cos i like to have done many things throughout the day so i feel personally accomplished toward my life goals. unfortunally when i smoke a sleepy weed i feel like i dont want to do organizing and cleaning so i dont get to use my small expensive room (the landlords bullied and bossed me around into letting them take my stuff i hadnt moved in yet and put it in the garden and other indoor  closet. the next day it rained for two days and i dispared) so i should go take my add meds but because some witch decideed theyre the patients executive function, i have to take the capsuls open, just balls, which is gag inducing me into a further stigmatized hell then i cant get ready because my room seems too messy. sighing also im super hungry and theres nothing but plain rice and capers and tuna. should i eat that? i dont know. i guess ill smoke another joint and see. its  alled algonquin park and im not sure of its genetics but i like its lighter fluffy leaf structured flowers as opposed to the denser more purply ones. 

making new perfumes and smelling essential oils have been keeping me busy despite still being displaced by that aggressive tiny greek man last year.

to wax all his hair off with pine rosin

i had this HORRIBLE weird daydream vision
but maybe it was PORN driven
about darryl and his “mother” coming
to visit me in the woods (behind that parking lot)
it was that it wasnt his mother but rather the woman he used to take care of when
he had a good job, she has two kids but then he lost his job
and got on meth and she kept on with him cos of the MONEY
and hes been looking around for a REPLACEMENT
so thats why HE INTRODUCED ME TO HIS MOTHER
ohhhh FOR FUCKS SAKE
im internally howling
so the porno goes linda comes into the campsite and darryl is acting really weird
and fussy about it all and
YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT FROM THERE
just because she doesnt look much older than me and darryl said he was my age
the other maybe TABOO PORN twink shit would be
darryl is a 23 year old GAY VIRGIN and his mother wanted to MEET THE FIRST WOMAN HE WAS GOING TO DETHROWN (cos he told me to come threw)
so im not sure who is PHISHING SCAMMING ME WITH FAKE JOBS AND FAKE CHECKS
trying to get me in trouble with the LAW again
AGAIN AS USUAL
I THINK ITS STEVE POLYCHRONOPOLOUS THE ADAM SANDLER CHARACTER
NOT MY BASTARD LANDLORD
so i have to email that cute cop…
DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE PORNO I IMAGINED
and this is why I GET IN TROUBLE
everyone wants to HEAR ABOUT THE STORY
omg im DYING
honestly i shouldve gotten the meat lasagna option
WHY DO WE HAVE TO CHOOSE
I WANT VEG AND MEAT
IN ONE LASAGNA

i have a semblance of a recipe for the perfume i made darryl
CUSTOM MADE IT OVER DOSED IT WITH GUAICWOOD AND BLACK AGAR
and i didnt KEEP A SAMPLE NOW HES GONE FRAUDING HIS NEXT TRAGEDY
im so forlorn i honestly believed in his verve
and i DONT actually do that, fall for anyones verve BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE ANY so im PISSED
ugh.
i want to do like physical things to him, in retaliation
BUT CONSENT WTFim mad
its not fair i would tie him up and slap the shit out of him
and wax his all his hair
WITH PINE ROSIN
not even honey,
obviously
MAYBE USE BEESWAX
honestly.
its not fair.

"with the fuckin' e-phone"

“with the fuckin’ e-phone”

HEY MAN, YOU’RE ABOUT TO WALK RIGHT INTO ME!

WITH THE FUCKIN' E-PHONE
AND THE WALKING WITHOUT LOOKING
AND THE ROAD RAGE YOU’RE WATCHING
WHAT ABOUT ME EH, HOMELESS GIRL
BIKING HERE ON THE SIDEWALK BECAUSE I FOUND THIS OLD BIKE
BEHIND THE COMMUNITY CENTER I GO TO BY THE MEAL PROGRAM
WITH THE BACK PEDAL THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN
WHAT ABOUT ME EY?

 ASSHOLE!

YOU BETTER GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY FOR CALLING ME AN ASSHOLE, YOU DIP SHIT!

.:

Back in Canada!

Well, my trip was a freakin DISASTER

My brother almost killed me, then my dad decided to lock me up in a mental ward for 6 weeks over Christmas and New Year, then he had me personally escorted to a rehab in Thailand where I anguished for a month until my escape back to Manila to my uncles house. And I almost didnt make it to my uncles house because my entire family that never talks to me decided to tell my uncles family to not help me. WTF so long story short I am an orphan and glad to be so. My uncle and aunt are now my new parents. Just wow. Totally terrible trip. The good parts were because I made them up to be good. But I love my aunt and uncle way more now that I know them much better.
So I'm not really sure what happened there and I honestly can't care because it will just further drag me down. That trip left a terrible taste in my mouth regarding my immediate family and no amount of gargling will wash it out.
I basically had no chance to heal from my trauma, gained More Trauma, no chance or time or space to get my businesses started, my dad decided to spend all the money he promised to help me with to institutionalize me? I'm pretty disgusted with them really. Really abusive. I come from a highly physically and emotionally abusive background and thought that part of my life with my family was over...but boy was I wrong. I doubt I'll be going back to Manila anytime soon, and definitely not without my own money. I went with no money so my dad had full control of me...I just wasn't expected to be blindsided like that. When you haven't been "home" in a decade, and your father says "I'll take care of you, just come home", the last thing you expect is getting locked up in a mental institution over the Christmas holidays, then get blamed for all the expense, then get zero financial help when you stand up for yourself. Disgusting man, really. So I am just trying to manage my mental health from my newest, freshest traumas.

Meanwhile, I'll be posting up a bunch of stuff to sell off, supplies, and I will start making stuff again. I realize handmade and local designers and artisans are on the down, I looked it up, but I will still put my stuff out there in case someone else falls in love with a design and wants to make it theirs.

Toronto Tool Library : community nights

o Yipee! I learned a new skill last night at the Danforth Tool Library community night! There  are three branches and i'm not sure if all of them have community night, but last night wow i was so helped by experts!! its great!! full shop and all the tools. Its $50 membership for a year to borrow tools - you can check the inventory online, and its $100 a month to use the full shop with 24/7 access. Just great!! Community night is free as pay what you can, from 5 or 7-10 p.m. and they are open from Tuesday to Sunday. I donated a tub of solder paste and am convinced i need at least a memebership. I wasn't sure at first if I would work on my project at home, if I took a membership to loan the tools, but when I got home to have dinner, I couldnt even eat I was so excited to keep working on my project. The femaursoulea! I hope im not getting ripped off :(. Remember how awful it was on etsy, all my designs constantly copied amd diluted to death. I imagine this is the rebirth of that prism triangle trend. Cos I never really caught on it till now. I dont even know what is tremdy anymore. Not that it matters, I suppose. A well made object remains well made, even in its decay.
Anyway this triangle. It was tricky to set up but after the third join it was just practise that was lacking!! a few months ago when i went crazy broke, i bought a brass rod at home depot...but the workshop attendant gave me a wire hanger to practise on. Did not think of that at all. I paid like 8-13 bucks for the brass rod. then of course i forgot the rod at the shop. Now I regret selling my old gold plating apparatus from that guy in langley. I wont forget it anyhow. So this piece is using the hanger, its steel wire according to the guy who expertly helped me, that's been coated with a brassy colour and lacquer or a plastic coating, i dont know actually if this stuff will come off with acetone? lol is it paint, i sanded it off the ends, then i tinned the ends with the soldering gun and then joined the corners while it was all clamped in place. freaking tricky!! but now that its done i think i can do it quickly. the advice and community presense and support was very helpful guidance! WOW I'M SO EXCITED i gave up sewing the shape cos it looks like a cat toy. not very exclusive or prestige.  i also had some gold finish liquid from lacy west or lacy, i cant remember when i bought this liquid, but i used it to change the colour of the solder which it did, a bit dull, and well this morning i repainted the worst joins with gold craft paint, and its also nice. i am stoked. next to learn after i make a full shape, is to learn the torch and hard solder. a bit more expensive, the silver solder, but that cones later. i guess this is picking up where i left off jewelry making wise. i want to see if the solder will stick to the cast alloy charms i have that have been plated or painted with a brassy finish. i mean who knows what these charms are made of. they are the ones i got from china at a very low cost because they are a soft metal. so for ornaments i guess, broaches, i am curious to put them together! they are not like the stamped brass charms from new york or rhode island... i will try to make a collage of charms and non metals.
but today i was considering if i should rent the tools or become a member. cos you can request to be a volunteier for ten hours and you get full access.  but i don't know. I was sick and still getting over it, im not really sure if it was my period syncing back to the full moon, but its almost synched again, this month was pretty synched and i have been feeling better. despite my strange illness and lapse I have been lucky that there are hobbies that call out to me and keep me interested in going through life with a view towards creating the good life I imagine.
anyway here is the start of a new shape. I have some new ideas on forming it. I'm not even sure if i posted the one sewn shape but I'm going to work on my projects with excitement now that i have melted metal on metal. i am a metal forming person!!! (newbie)

mini key chain purse

i made this
the other one fell off. the fake leather finish was the first to go then eventually the plastic coating or whatever wore down at the edges, then the top stitching started coming apart and then it just fell off. took a good few years though yay. so i made this, its even better. i have one more key chain snap closure i will make a nice for the etsy shop.
ive been not wanting to go outside from lack of proper gear. its been up to -13 and i dont really have good warm shoes or a hooded coat. im trying to figure out how to remake the longish white faux fur button up coat i got for 25 bucks one year into a shorter zipper opening hooded coat but i havent done anything cept cut the bottom off to the right length.
meanwhile isnt this pouch nice its such a better proprtion from the last one.
i used the last scrap of the japanse tsumugi woven fabric i got off kumi to make the pocket.

summer shows for Its Your Life

IYL is pleased to be doing the liberty village art crawl !

  http://libertyvillageartcrawl.com/ 

August 09-10th 2013
 Entertainment District Urban Exhibit (art crawl)
Toronto Food Tucks and live music at this location!

 August 17 2013
 CityFest - City Place- Canoe Landing Park
There will be live music, Toronto Food trucks, and interactive game corner as well as an Art Corner.

September 13-14th 2013
Liberty Village Art Crawl - Fall Edition!

how to make a costume hat

so im making this pothead thing. its pretty tripppyyyy i love it.
here are the pics so far. its getting dark so i wont take any more but im on to adding the greenery.
good thing my EX-imaginary-marijuana-boyfriend (ehem,cough,cough) friend sent me beautiful bud pics so i am copying what the plant looks like and translating it into fabric. and plastic. i bought a fake plant at the dollar store.

first i made this wire thing. its meant to be a clay pot.

hah my face. i should wear my retainer again. my freakin snout.
so here it is just the wire

then i covered it in fiber fill, but i forgot to add the top part.. you'll see...

so here it is covered, with the top part:

 materials are wire, chicken wire, cutting tool, flat nose, fiber fill, needle thread and masking tape

then i added the top part, the actual plant part with the wire (19 guage)

and now covering it and making the buds!!

woops edit! it was too tall haha so i made it shorter.

then i added these fake plastic branchy things

here im sewing leaves and i made these pompom buds out of some fancy yarn

 this is my buddy mark helping me make pompoms

this is kinda what i was thinking it would look like. im going to make a lot more leaves and i hope it looks realistic lol

kinda funny, right?

ill update again tomorrow, i plan on on finishing the pot part.
...
ok so i redid the whole thing, well the plant part. i wasnt too sure and then, my revolutionary boy said it looked like outdoor, mexican brick weed lol

so i bought a different yarn color and ditched the mini tree cos everyone knows marijuana plants dont have little leaves like that, and i just i made a huuuge bud.

i redid the leaves too. the fabric is this super fray crap ribbon, so i folded it in two and sewed finer leaves, no zig zag, and also fray stopped it. what a pain, better to get better fabric, but this ribbon was a great colour and it had a nice sheen like trichromes

these are the new leaves

so that was before i glued everything together
and here is it finished, the protoype and i can make another from the materials i still have.

i need to make patterns is what i learned. duh. i shouldve known better, also i didnt strengthen it as much as the first plant exploration, so i need to reinforce it as canna therapeutic requested it be strong enough to withstand strong winds!

i had some really nice pics to refer to and im looking forward to making the first one off the pattern.

pic of me wearing tomorrow its too dark now the ones i have are no good ;D

Politits Art Work Its!

*new* links added to the titles. click on links to go to shop listing (the pics are still kinda messed up cos i named them all wrong ill be updating that in a bit)

"Look Out For It"

"Jaws"

"Yeah You Know Me" aka "I Thought The OP Was Owen Pallet"

"Waffles Unknown Person"

"MJ Nice Guy"

"Scream, Who Are They?"

"Turtles"

"Silly"

"Control Me Control You"

"Did You Say Chardonnay?"

"Should've Believed You"

"Come Back"

"Cousins"

"All Your Fake Jobs Are belong To Us"

ok so these are $5 each pick up and ill put them up online later (they $7 online) (have to finish my laundry and eat something goddamn i am so hungry again. i just wanna eat pizza but should proly make something. i bought some chickens and i wanted to make fried chicken or adobo or something like that. i kinda wanted to make hainanese chicken but fried chicken and just have the broth rice and cabbage soup and the ginger, soy sauce and chili dip. mmm damn thinking about it already i just wanna go home and do that now.