well that escalated rather slowly and abrubtly ended, with hopes.

so i found jacob in my real life facebook and a bunch of other tent people i dont know and a few people i did know, but worst of all was my autistic cousin luigi was there and im not sure how he got in there, he might have deactivated his account when i deleted everyone or whatever but i got really scared these trolls and influencers and propagandists might have been interacting with him. holy god hooooweee. so i told him its not safe and hope he deleted that creepy andrew jack copy cat troll that is very persistent. not sure what that is but that needs some assistance and might be just what the police and those ai people need to study. all that trolls account is fake filipino names making a mockery out of people all the comments and posts are vomit inducing and i think the troll is making my cousin sick. made me sick in less than one minute. so please can you make sure youre not feeling like you are being fooled to accept a slight because thats the worst kind of abuser and might last for years to a lifetime, very damaging, some kind of swamp creature licking at you under its fake skin of a reasonable looking humanoid. 

but the trolls. so i figured out or kind of understand the structure of what it felt like. 

it felt like someone was stealing the return on my word of mouth and original thought output online. these two sources i always usually got what i expected from the spin, mostly in different interpretations and never to my advantage except for getting the ideas across enough to be widespread enough that its legal and ok now. then it became some thing felt like it was chasing me around, a landlord who stole the identity of joe and was chasing me around town by denying me a place to live by discriminating against me cos of the nature of marijuana (/?) and at the same time housing me in strictly only the worst houses that no one else rented or wanted or were closed down due to rodents or pests, while robbing me of my health records showing that landlord (steve) in particular had given me sleep paralysis and nightmares because of his behaviour inside the house on manning, and other weird stuff when i was renting, then when i was homeless the drop ins started targeting me and shelters too, but they targeted me by my first name cos i dont think joe knows my name is michelle nicole. so it was a really strange paradigm where i used michelle as a first name and people who know me on paper use michelle, but if i met one of these plebs i would introduce that my name is nicole but michelle is fine, then the people that know me as nicole alone (this is where joe lay) and people i know from a long time ago who know my name is michelle and nicole but know me as nicole alone. really confusing for me at first but now i see why people would think i was lying about something. 

so who is joe? joe is an old cannabis shop keeper and grower from bc. i fell in love with him and he broke my heart and he took it back and offered to fly me out to come visit him but i said no and i literally never saw him again and regret it to this day.. fuckin cried about it and everything and i always felt that if i had gone out to go see him i wouldve ended up never suffering as much as i did throughout my time in canada on my own. like id totally be ok to have kids with a guy like joe. he was so responsible and quick to the task and never any hesitation after assured thought. i wouldnt even think about it with regards to responsibility but for loyalty cos i guess he was trying to make me jealous and i had just arrived to canada and i couldnt handle it cos i was badly traumatized when i arrived here and hadnt gotten over those things yet so it was too much humiliation to bare and i couldnt accept his offer which he gave the summer after we broke and i left him with some watermelon looking blonde. 

i still remember the first day i walked into that kitchen. reminds me of hey rosetta! "we made a pact" . just realized i looked up where his old shop was on commercial on this dinky creep wifi so if anyone says they know where it was and you doubt them its probably cos theyre creeping on me. 

so i found this and thought it sounds like joe but im not sure. also did he sell to green room. looking forward to voicing concerns and ideas for previously criminalized actions regarding protection of property, after all cannabis is a proven medicine and a huge relief to suffering so i really do not believe these men and women should be disallowed to work in the cannabis industry just because they were defending their right to grow and sell an ethnobotanical. entheogenic plants are a huge boon to the mental health of civilians who need to reach out to nature for a grounding back to our reality of city living. we have all forgotten that people are our main resource and without connections made through open communication we cannot compare each others schema and life arc to gauge the health of our locales and connections throughout the country and further. it was very important to me to maintain honesty as my way of communicating because i was sick with physical ailments that were never addressed and forming an unhealthy relationship with being ignored as someone with physical limitations while being followed and targeted as a source of wealth by addicted thieves was really scary. i was getting violently beaten up by guys i didnt know much at all. once by a complete stranger in a car. personal boundaries and support and what i need from people and what people want to offer as support are vastly different and very private to me anyway. 

i have been getting labeled as some crazy person who has no mind of her own and is a risk and danger to i dont know what actually, a danger to ugly houses? the police and tenants by the landlords have been putting me in camh and camh had been treating me like some wild animal tying me down to the bed and masking me and leaving me in an isolation room what the fuck i still had some sinus problems that were melting off my face then i couldnt breathe and then what was that all about with the shelter staff stealing all my clothes this one couple in particular the guy worked at st stephens and the girl worked at street haven and they both combined used their access to my privacy and they stole my clothes and followed me to grizzs tent and i saw them sell bags of clothes to him. now that i think of it i think they were looking for nicole but thought i was michelle and denied that i was nicole to the person looking for me who i think now, might be joe my first long lost marijuana boyfriend that i wouldve totally had a baby with from when i was 22 or something. now im 42 and this kind of shit is happening, still. and i just wanna die and hate going outside these days. its all minus to me. i dont get anything back from the ideas i put out there i think steve and his porkwop greek gang of goofy tards from florida and around stole a calabrian mafias reputation and word of mouth to destroy what turns out to be my almost blind father named joe too, and me, what people found out about michelle cos they were looking for nicole under the table for joe the marijuana grower. ffs. it makes way more sense than anything i ever tried to figure out and also it really depresses me cos if it was actually joe and if joe was selling weed to green room then hes been here in toronto since 2013 and i wished he got back in touch with me in 2004 but i think someone was already hiding me and obfuscating the nature of their enquiries and donations and other tokens of gratitude that were meant for me because i have been vocal and explicit about my experience with regards to legalization in canada and the medical program access i really fucked up by not being believed as a woman with physical disability, serious trauma that caused ptsd, and as well i had some maladies that worsened with stigmatization regarding these problems i had with people not communicating properly to me. anyway i think this sounds like joe. i never knew his last name, or if i did, i forgot it.  The War on BC's Small Pot Farmer | The Tyee 

Back in Canada!

Well, my trip was a freakin DISASTER

My brother almost killed me, then my dad decided to lock me up in a mental ward for 6 weeks over Christmas and New Year, then he had me personally escorted to a rehab in Thailand where I anguished for a month until my escape back to Manila to my uncles house. And I almost didnt make it to my uncles house because my entire family that never talks to me decided to tell my uncles family to not help me. WTF so long story short I am an orphan and glad to be so. My uncle and aunt are now my new parents. Just wow. Totally terrible trip. The good parts were because I made them up to be good. But I love my aunt and uncle way more now that I know them much better.
So I'm not really sure what happened there and I honestly can't care because it will just further drag me down. That trip left a terrible taste in my mouth regarding my immediate family and no amount of gargling will wash it out.
I basically had no chance to heal from my trauma, gained More Trauma, no chance or time or space to get my businesses started, my dad decided to spend all the money he promised to help me with to institutionalize me? I'm pretty disgusted with them really. Really abusive. I come from a highly physically and emotionally abusive background and thought that part of my life with my family was over...but boy was I wrong. I doubt I'll be going back to Manila anytime soon, and definitely not without my own money. I went with no money so my dad had full control of me...I just wasn't expected to be blindsided like that. When you haven't been "home" in a decade, and your father says "I'll take care of you, just come home", the last thing you expect is getting locked up in a mental institution over the Christmas holidays, then get blamed for all the expense, then get zero financial help when you stand up for yourself. Disgusting man, really. So I am just trying to manage my mental health from my newest, freshest traumas.

Meanwhile, I'll be posting up a bunch of stuff to sell off, supplies, and I will start making stuff again. I realize handmade and local designers and artisans are on the down, I looked it up, but I will still put my stuff out there in case someone else falls in love with a design and wants to make it theirs.

DAMASO this

yesterday i brought in all new stock for THE GOODS on broadway...all new. fresh. 28 pieces.
here is my album for the goods with all the new designs available:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=139799&l=a94d689b0f&id=223517912669

so did you hear about carlos celdran being jailed?

queen of the orient

hey my cousin christine linked this on facebook. see how useful it is :D
its pretty awesome.

old families rule!
hehe

this is my great grandmother from my dads side.

http://manilacarnivals.blogspot.com/2008/08/8-1908-leonarda-limjap-royal.html

its pretty trippy cos with the post script i can really see clearly how im in there related to those amazing people.

PLEASE DONATE TO THE KETSANA / ONDOY VICTIMS

i brought a bunch of new stuff to dream and barefoot contessa recently :D please go check it out if you are so inclined...

mmm. i got some business cards from vista print in the mail today.

im making stuff today. mainly, necklaces. maybe i will set up my sewing area a bit better too cos now i have my serger again :D

my shop was offline cos i paid late, but its back online now... yay. hmm. i was thinking of donating some sales (if any) to the flood victims. like, maybe 25% of the item total. till nov. i wonder if ill get any online sales by then? ha.


its so rainy today.... but not as rainy as it was in manila a few days ago. yikes. have you seen the destruction brought upon by the massive flooding? that typhoon ketsana is one mean whirlwind.
lots of people in manila are donating and running relief operations but there are so many people that need help its going to take a long time to rebuild.
there are a lot of ways to donate, specially through the philippine red cross and unicef.. (also, the salvation army here)
on youtube, check out the related videos, gosh there are tonnes....
apparently ketsana hitting manila is twice as worse as hurricane katrina in new orleans :C
grass roots and the public help better than the government... http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=496123

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ifTqoxntOs


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bi0bp_5e0g0

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=163434718938


http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/note.php?note_id=162392178938&id=674910701&ref=share

http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/fromthefield/216872/3b6d51123e44e5dfd4ac9daaee79e5be.htm

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/video/video.php?v=160387518487

Those of you residing OUTSIDE OF THE PHIILPPINES, you can HELP too.


1. IN KIND DONATIONS: (Most urgent needs)

Food items: Rice, noodles, canned goods, sugar, iodized salt, cooking oil, monggo beans and potable water

Medicines: Paracetamol, antibiotics, analgesic, oral rehydration salts, multivitamins and medications to treat diarrheal diseases

Non-food items: Adult/baby clothes, baby formulas, diapers, bath soaps, face towels, shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, plastic mats, blankets, mosquito nets, jerry cans, water containers, water purification tablets, plastic sheetings, and Laundry soap

Rehabilitation Programs: Shelter materials for house repair

2. MONETARY DONATIONS

*CASH or CHECK
Please send cash or check donations to the PNRC National Headquarters in Manila. Checks should be made payable to The Philippine National Red Cross. We can also arrange for donation pick-up.

* BANK DEPOSIT
Account Name: The Phil. Nat’l. Red Cross

METROBANK
Port Area Branch
Peso Acct.: 151-3-041-63122-8
Dollar Acct.: 151-2-151-00218-2
Type of Acct. : SAVINGS
Swift Code: MBTC PH MM

BANK OF THE PHIL. ISLANDS
Port Area Branch
Peso Acct.: 4991-0010-99
Type of Account: CURRENT

BANK OF THE PHIL. ISLANDS
UN Branch
Dollar Acct.: 8114-0030-94
Type of Account: SAVINGS
Swift Code: BOPI PH MM

For your donations to be properly acknowledged, please fax the bank transaction slip at nos. +63.2.527.0575 or +63.2.404.0979 with your name, address and contact number.

*Credit Card

Please fax the following info to +632.404.09.79 and +632.527.0575:

Name of card member, billing address, contact nos. (phone & mobile), credit card no., expiration date, CCV2/ CVC2 (last three digits at the back of the credit card), billing address, amount to be donated.

* Online Donations, visit our website at www.redcross.org.ph .

**INTERNATIONAL

Send a letter of intent to donate to the PNRC
A letter of acceptance from PNRC shall be sent back to the donor
Immediately after shipping the goods, please send the (a) original Deed of Donation, (b) copy of packing list and (c) original Airway Bill for air shipments or Bill of Lading for sea shipments to The Philippine National Red Cross–National Headquarters c/o Secretary General Gwendolyn Pang, Bonifacio Drive, Port Area, Manila 2803, Philippines.

hyperlink to Philippine Red Cross below
http://www.redcross.org.ph/Site/PNRC/wtd.aspx


OR

Please call the Red Cross nearest you & ask how you can help...

American Red Cross 1-800-435-7669
Australian Red Cross 1-800-811-700
Canadian Red Cross 613-740-1900
British Red Cross 0844-87-100 87
German Red Cross +32-16-89-60-60

UNICEF provides immediate assistance to children affected by tropical storm Ondoy
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MANILA, 29 September 2009 — UNICEF has provided about Php 6,908,330 million in supplies to address the urgent needs of affected children and their families in the wake of tropical storm Ondoy. Within 24 hours of the storm hitting Manila, UNICEF supplied food and non-food items, as well as temporary shelter to the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) for distribution to flood-stricken communities.

UNICEF expressed great concern over the growing number of children and families affected by storm Ondoy (international codename Ketsana) which dumped a month’s worth of rain in 12 hours, flooding 25 per cent of Metro Manila and affecting more than 24 provinces around the country. The death toll has risen to 240, and is expected to still rise as relief and recovery efforts continue.

Data from the National Disaster Coordinating Council (NDCC) revealed that around 1.8 million people were affected, with 600,000 people being relocated in around 600 evacuation centers. Some families are still trapped on upper levels or roofs of houses awaiting rescue.

“Our hearts go out to the thousands of children and families who have been affected by the storm, whether they are still trapped in their homes or living in evacuation centers. This is a very difficult experience for any child, especially for those who have lost their loved ones,” Vanessa Tobin, UNICEF Representative, said.

UNICEF is in constant coordination with the government and other humanitarian agencies to deliver much-needed goods and services to the displaced. They formed part of an assessment team composed of emergency specialists and have travelled to many sites today to find out how children are being affected by the massive flooding.

© UNICEF Philippines/2009/Alquinto
“I visited the flooded sites of Taguig, Mandaluyong and Quezon City today, and was shocked by the level of devastation in many communities. But what also struck me was the amazing co-operation and generosity of the people of the capital, who have opened up their homes to assist others less fortunate in their neighbourhoods," Tobin said.

“Water and sanitation are issues that need immediate action. In the next 48 hours, we will be delivering 2,000 more hygiene kits, essential medicines, water purification tablets, portable toilets and family kits containing blankets and soap to aid in relief efforts. We are also helping the government and other humanitarian agencies to address gaps in the delivery of aid to those affected,” Tobin added.

UNICEF is now appealing internationally for US $ 3.5 million for the children and families affected by the storm. The funds will be used to purchase additional water kits and essential medical kits to ensure safe drinking water and to prevent outbreak of diseases.

As the relief and recovery efforts continue, UNICEF is concerned about the storm’s long-term effects on children, including health risks posed by the widespread flooding, as well as the two tropical storms heading for the same area, and likely to hit land on Thursday or Friday.

UNICEF is accepting cash donations through its Metrobank account: UNICEF C/A 066-7-06631209-3 in response to the victims of tropical storm Ondoy. Call our hotlines at (02) 758-1000 and 758-1442 to find out more ways to send your donations.

VOLUNTEER IN MANILA

I WANNA DO DIS.

http://www.handsonmanila.org.ph/

xo

oh man oh an...
i talked with my brother earlier on the phone and he called astrid down and then red and even bang came on for a bit. frik man i really miss them!! what the heck right. i gots to gets my shit together to get enough $$ for a ticket back dec/jan.

so yeah. im frikkin moving again. yay. nay? yay. i havent started packing. well i am tonight, but fuck dude. insanity. my work area is in the midst of mess. i havent made stock for virgin marys yet. gulp. frik and now have to start packing up..... gahhhh....
simon bought me brackens laptop. so dope. so now i owe simes like a gazillion dollars. i also need to buy a bed. damn. i wonder if tyler still has christines old single.

ok i wish i was out making out with some guy or at someones pad chillin or listnin to some wicked dubstep somewhere or someshit >< but im not. im spose to be packing or doing something productive but im not doing that either gah.

ok im going to upload some new shit on my site instead. duh. i forgot i resized a bunch of stuff earlier. Zzzzz...............
DUBSTEP. im into it.

pics

i really gotta get rid of that top im wearing :c / c: with 'strid who lives upstairs. the crazy thing is when i left manila for palawan before i left for vancouver all my core crew i guess left too.. went all abroad, as in every single one of the crew i called core spread to ca to ny to euro styles.. so when i got back from palawan going to vancouver i felt like it was all totally new and fresh and shit. then i had to come back to manila for a while..almost a year coz of some fambly stuff and then i remet friends and made new ones from old and astrid and red were the last crew i hung with before coming back to vancouver. so like almost five years later its a bit uncanny after everyones moved around to have them as
my literal next door neighbors. URAQT is your dad a dealer coz youre dope to me. love this girl. thank you for the hospitality.

trippin at strids (sorry i cut red out he looked too messed :P )

wit chris at m cafe

with my bro:

now if i save up 15 grand canadian in less than a year i can buy myself a 2-3 bedroom unit. low profile styles. swimming pool. i like that. it doesnt seem that much right. and id have a landing spot in my hometown doy. its not like my hometown is a boring one ;D



my trip... too few pics.. the pics of the bags are taken here..

stumbled upon

wow! gosh i was checking my shop stats and i have gotten 1,349 unique visitors since aug. 6!! crapola the day i was to return....
gotta fill up my shop when i get back.

the past few days have been really good for me. just chillin with old and new friends, partying and music. our helper left so we have no maid.. basically starving coz were kind of lazy to cook. well i am, coz my dad and bro are completely incapable :p

my celphone was lost/stolen. gah. all my vancouver and manila numbers were in there.. but the worst part is the pictures! hah. it got stolen while i was lunching with a friend and then my dad gave me an new phone the same day. then that evening going to meet up with the same malas friend i left the new one my dad lent me in the cab. GAAAAH. bad luck right. but my bro was able to call the cab company and radioed the cabbie to come back with it. whew. signs. two celphones lost in a day but one came back. NYE

hmmm. i dont know how to blog anymore. or at least while im not on my computer.. or have any pictures!! ak. i will get on that today.

its already noon time here on the 10th. i think i need a bit more sleep. but now i have to make puttanesca for us. punyeta!

Oh yay!!

I was able to extend my ticket till the 15th. More time to make more stuff and have a little rest before I go back to Vancouver!

A bit ;; about making jewelry late for fall? but will see what I can do with what I have here... mmm havent even looked at the jewelry stuff I got since I bought it weeks ago.....should have brought tools at least! OK LANG.

my mayan wavespell is almost over. this is the first one i ever realized was happening and it seems my mirror shattered months prior so im like, woah. something is happening majorly and im not getting it. but now im like ok, ok, riding it, its kind of turmoil but then again im completely neurotic so that aside, yeah i can deal with this shit.... hey yeah its actually kind of nice.................on this side.

so im back on the 15th with my inventory of tonnes of new bags and pouches.... ill try and get a picture on up 'ere.. gah im lazy to get sean to do it ;D

Featured on Cuteable!

Its Your Life Handmade featured on cuteable. click on the title post :D

so yeah.... its the 13th now 10.14 am! i got up at like 7 am. then everyone (there are people visiting my dad) left for boracay. ok, actually its my dads girl and her daughter and my bro sean. they all left at like 7.30 a.m... so now im just waiting for my sewers to arrive, were gonna have a talk on the tasks they need to do for preparation... but i need to borrow my aunts sewing machine again. after i talk with the girls im meeting my uncle bobby at my moms house for a lunch there and a long overdue meet. plus some other cousins from the states are here.. my mom gave me a sewing machine before so i might try and get that too so there will be two machines here... my god. and thats the plan so far. all before noon on my first day here. for
farks sake i hope thats not an indication of pace for this trip coz ill be dead by next week!

Third Space

one sunday, the year after i gradded high school, i got handed a flyer by a maid after mass at Christ the King church near my house in 'meadows.
It was a flyer for Third Space, an experimental artist run space which was conducting workshops, had a video/book library and editing/video equiptment. it was located in a village really close to my house.. strictly in the manila sense ie. gated housing subdivision. I lived in one , there are tonnes all beside each other kind of deal, and third space was like basically just had to walk across one 'main' road to enter another section of villages and eventually i was there...I think I was about 16 or 17 at the time and I already knew I wanted to do art, and not just 'oil painting'. So I took the flyer and read it over and over again and decided I wanted to go check it out and try to do an 'experimental genre' workshop.
I cant remember the first time I met Yason, although im positive i instantly thought he was equal parts of art and genius and crazy kitschy gay!
When I got involved in Third space it was like Yason would make me do these experimental art projects. Experimental in the way that U. P. Fine Arts workshops were not (at all). My first installations and public performance was with Yason and the Third Space crew.... it seems everyone i remember affiliated with that time has made success of their talent/careers in manila and abroad be it in art, fashion, music... I MET PAOLO RAYMUNDO BECAUSE OF THIRD SPACE nuff said... ya, pao!!! its been
too long. and everyone else i met through the grapes and vines ;) hello, the foundation of my young adult life.
The best 'shows' I ever did were for Third Space.. with We Are The Raft project (2005) coming in at a tie.This one time we did bathroom installations in the CCP aka. cultural center of the philippines.. you know like where they have orchestra and ballet performances... we installed in almost all the main bathrooms! i think it was considered ground breaking stuff or sumpin atthe time, in manila.... :D was the it was such a fun show to set up!! ak. da best. the american ambassadors wife wanted my stuff pulled out of the show for being obscene!!! haha so they had to put an 'adults only' sign in one of the stalls i re-made. it was the porn stall. some dirty old bastard at one point ripped the protective plastic that was linng the inside of the stall wide open and took a pic or two. heh. the pics were hilarious too really old old women, very large breasted women, amature porn and gay porn. the other two stalls were not- porn. one was two huge rolls of fiber fill and a light behind the toilet. supported by a thin wodden frame i wired together or something .. very hot and strange sounding inside. the other stall was completely lined in refective silver plastic/wrapping paper, had star shaped xmas lights and multicolored lights hanging from the top via the same sort of frame as the fiber fill stall: on top, and the rest of the bathroom was installed like a hang out room with pillows on the floor while the entrance was a wait room. I did lots of other shows with Yason curating and that is pretty much how I was introduced to art. Third Space and super traditional U. P. Fine Arts worshops (oil, charcoal, pastel, figure, perspective etc).
Yason was the shit and he really opened up my eyes. He was my first artistic mentor and let me see what it was like to live for art and how to make life equal art and have a mad fun time doing it.


===
YOU'RE INVITED!

ARCHIVING ARTIST-RUN SPACES @ Magnet Gallery Katipunan (in front of Ateneo, beside Rustan's and Starbucks)
December 5: Third Space / Yason Banal
Wednesday, 5-7pm

Archiving Artist-Run Spaces (AARS) is a series of talks and slideshows about 6 artist-run spaces in Manila including Pinaglabanan Gallery, The Junk Shop, Third Space, Surrounded By Water, Big Sky Mind and Future Prospects.

These spaces were vital centers for Filipino contemporary art, providing the much-needed arena for artists to produce and exhibit their work without the limitations of commercial galleries and traditional institutions. Not only did they nurture a significant number of artists who have made their mark in the Philippine art scene, artist-run spaces also helped define a new direction for contemporary art practice.
Third Space was conceived by Yason Banal in 1998 as an art project that uses the physical and conceptual form of a house as material in creating, distributing and evaluating contemprary art practice, zooming in on new forms such as performance, video and installation. There were exhibitions, screenings, happenings and talks, as well as film shoots, blind dates and spirit hunts. It provided a free library and continuous workshops for children, teens and adults in special courses such as creative writing, new art seminar and experimental genres. Both a site-specific (located on Third Street, Saint Ignatius Village) and time-based (life span of 3 years) work, it ceased to exist in 2000.