i was so excited the dorm room i got was empty but it was short lived some boring lookin nerdy lookin person just got in here and plopped down on the desk where i have my stuff and im already annoyed cos it cost me $485 for 12 days thats $40 a day) and i really wanted to not have some chinese covid girl in the room with me.shes only on the desk cos my stuffs on it and shes trying to claim space or make me attend to her, energy stealing is where these boring lookin people are at.
soon she will be touching my stuff making a big show of shoving my stuff over. i can already tell she wants attention cos she keeps lookin over at me for approval and already did the limp hiiii thing where you can hear in their voice their tepid and uninspired understanding.
im already regretting this. i shouldve just gone camping but there are no drop in showers...........
oh yeah.. she just asked me if she could open the window...... i already loathe her and wish she was dead. now i know why it says no smoking on the balcony. so this chinese boring chick can ask me if she can open the window? oh fuck energy stealins where its at for these boring types. 12 days of my energy stolen? nahhhhhhh ill just do the blank what. she looks the type to never leave the room too. gross. im already regretting spending money... the last place scammed me $300 damage deposit.......i stayed for 4 days and it was $147 but she didnt return the damage deposit which was $300.
oh fuck me the chinese girl just tried to ask me where she could get water???? lol i said sorry i dont know im not interested ... and she did the ooook thing, like hello, youre asking where to buy water>? obvious troll. im already annoyed. . . another huge waste of time and now ill be gangstalked by trolls.

...
after that i left to go outside and smoke some weed. everything was going well until i noticed some kind of commotion activity directly in front of me and i realized it felt like street theatre. and i had a listen and i looked into my felings and what i could hear and i rolled my eyes and felt prodded to come up with a defence for being called racist because i was complaining about my attackers again.

i wrote the chinese crap above recalling the woman who lost her job for a misconstrued tweet regarding corona virus and a chinese woman or something i forgot and im already so uninterested, it was off a shame tip, theres a writer who wrote a few books (one of them was men who stare at goats) and he taks about how the public uses shame to shun and destroy people its very interesting
it reminds me of how i was very very sick then my cousins started rumours about me that got to my parents and then cos i was super physically sick (i think i had forms of cancer) everyone shunned me and i felt like they pecked me to death and since then ive only felt like im constantly watched monitored gangstalked prodded made fun of mocked by strangers, all the people that pretended to be my friend disappeared or i dropped them because they made me feel uncomfortable cos i knew they were talking about me behind my back ... im not stupid i know what life was like and i know how life is now and its NOT the same

for example this room WTF i chose it because of the layout, and that it was a mixed dorm and that it was HUGE and the bunk beds were not so bunky
but this set up, getting here, it was smaller, the beds are claustrophobic inducing instead of the picture where it was spacious and not claustrophobic, then the dorky creepy chinese clown with her limp dicked hi, it feels creep, it feels fake, it feels like theyre stealing something else from me, energy probably, comfort no doubt,
the amount of energy that is stolen from me by these gangstalky prod trolls is almost every minute of everyday im followed around.
this blog is a 15 year old blog it didnt mean anythin to me except a way to show my artisan trials for sale but now its some kind of fuckin study the clowns can read into while they follow me around in real life making fuckin notes. its all so great when you dont have to pay for your research huh. its all so great when you dont have to pay your research subject huh.(edit: im reading this so hard lol'ing wtf intenet????1) just watch her be homeless and raped and dicked around and not help her while she knows shes being watched. its all so great making a girl you found online into a crazy lunatic from gaslighting and stalking and prodding and street theater huh. (edit: please support your local petitions to save popular culture we stemmed from and that includes this wicked set of heavy metal magazines from the early 90's i nicked off dead ronnie r.i.p. as mohammed was tossing his stuff out -moreon this later perhaps) remember when i was super vocal about gendered bathrooms and the propagandists that were following me around had ehem extra loud conversations in front of me (while i was going around doing heavy duty real life errands for myself) its like oh fuck off can you house me in privacy first before forcing me to make newspaper comments in real life?
NO we want to WATCH you DIE and make you feel supper uncomfortable and get gaslit and never get better.

main point is i am fucking (financially strapped) poor as fuck and do not have any safety im followed around for the shit i say online (i already put down my twitter for a bit) for the shit i did, but never for the shit i make, not anymore anyway (hello canadian economy and small business producers homeshow was cancelled day before opening i lost my potential brand ambassadorjob for a japanse knife import - all the booths were already set up ffs, it was paired with the flower show, a huge event for small business, at the ennercare centre a beautiful huge architectural building no oe knows about its amazing its got this huge wavy hall that is cathedral in size, its got written script falling down each trellis, whats its called, inner buttress, whats its called, damn that beam, in between each beam that is curved, there is falling written script and its reminiscent of archived text , it reminded me of servers and the internet, but cathedral size, its a must see. ) . people would rather call me a whore and laugh at me like that short greek man landlordchild, than buy any one of my crafts these days. people would rather follow me around and watch me and make me suicidal by listening via spying to my private rants. so called private rants. you dont even know how many times ive tested my personal privacy in the "private" space im renting, by saying certain things aloud or under my breath to check real world and real time reactions, and like fuckin clockwork, BLAM, not private. im not talking out of my ass im heavily monitored and its suicidal making.

oh but i finally sold some of my perfumes, the two first ones that i dont even care for anymore. if i trusted it more i would totally send the new ones too but as it is im super sketched out. i could go on, but its a free show for others to know my position so they can keep stealing. so back to the drawing board, the lonely ass life of back to not being able to express myself, not even to my dumb blog. i get no credit for any of it anyway, i mostly get mocked and stalked. creativity is dead now, capitalism and the film and radio and media industry literally followed every it person around and literally murdered the entire worlds creativity through gangstalking and infiltration. brainwashing.

im not sure when it happened but the girl i wanted to be became me but the world she lived in when i wanted to be her is already gone, unforeseeable event, truth be told i didnt realize i was becoming her as the world she lived in disappeared. so now what? just get ripped off daily? yup looks like. why give credit where its due when you can just literally steal it off an abused homeless girl? making money off the poor, a tale as old as time.

i honestly hate life and all its offerings that only turned into traps for the likes of me.
oh wait i have a strawberry watermelon drink in the other unit and also i can smoke weed. i just wish this dorky lame chick would disappear. actually im going to complain tomorrow and ask for a refund fuck this i should have bought a god damn tent with the money instead of getting dicked around by gangstalk fucks. i dont need it and i cannot afford it. i have to literally be careful of every single person that is set on me. do you know much time these gangstalk fucks steal? ill have a fake friend follow me around for 5 years! updating saying hi hi hi hi whole time i feel weird, turns out whole time they were trying to sell me a product, they were collecting data for research, they were making fun of me behind my back the entire time.... how much time of mine was wasted by people like this? well look around me! who friend is still here? NONE of for fucks sake the amount of info trolls i have stealing every single piece of fuckin personal information from me, its sucidal making. im stolen from, ripped off, my life is something other people want, but they will not pay me for it under any circumstance. remember, they would prefer to call me a whore, its easier to rip me off when everyone around me is pointing their fingers laughing. i know. reading my descents are really fast lol. this aint no portnoys. its in one paragraph. much like in one condition. omg yeah i finally bought a hair conditioner today cos i cant make one cos i dont have a place. it smells great and its got ingredients!

im not sure if i should jump break this post or not.
or just set it to draft later. who cares its not like as if anyone ever says anything anyway like how many times did i go to the doctor cos i thought something was wrong with me and hes like nope and now im like but what about that black spot under my lip skin i thought it was a mole funny how its gone and im better or back to normal was that a carcinoma cos i think i have one one the side of my cheek right now. the spots on my nose are gone too. i think i burned myself into cancer over tanning on my balcony back in 2013
ugh it was probably an alien growing inside me
broken screen
water damage
virus removal

.another thing i did was drink distilled water until i cleared out. like for months. then i stopped because i started to feel like i needed minerals i wasnt getting or something about how the distilled water started feeling as i drank it. then i started drinking diet coke. i think its the phosphorous and super clean water. i dont even boil my water before filtration. when i drink spring water there is something about it that i do not like. it feels like theres something in it. i like new kinds of water. different treated waters. when i lived on jones i got the sickest, that was in 2017. the water there, i think i got a heart attack there, i thought i died there, the water in that area, even the damn celphone signal was damp. its below lake or sea level, right in front of the lake too, i think its a damp spot and a portal to hell. i thought i died there and ferried the dead through the unfinished basement. it was absolutely horrofying. the city paired me with a mental health and court involvement social service and one of the guys i met there i accidentally befriended and i got scared he would go stay down in the basement without telling anyone and just go in there and it was the scariest fuckin thing i ever and i became friends with the basement as a way to be scared or something honestly 2017 and all the participants of that year , you know anyone i knew that year is fucked up and it was from 2016 is why 2017 was fucked (got arrested for punching rapey socially awkward roommate). like truly fucked up and evil. i was so sick then in 2017 and weak and people were fucking with me so hard they were trying to kill me one guy i thought did some kind of sonic sound to make me vomit and pass out im not kidding i thought i died there then somehow i was sent back to manila by collusion from antagonists around me around me in 2018 then my brother tried to kill me in less than a week, and my did tried to make me disappear, with everyone colluding , i almost didnt make it back here so anyways thats my fuck yous im still here and someone bought a couple of my perfumes. i said i wasnt going to send the new ones but ill probably send the new ones. finally sold a new product venture. some of my products never make the remakes that make them super great. weird thing capitalism. i kind of want to sell the smoking violets and the violet may rose, or now its called honey may, as a layering perfume. the new honey may doesnt have the tiny bit of violet that the original violet may rose had because of my base #17, the original one had a tiny amount of violet accord from perfumers apprentice with orris tobacco and coumarin (tonka bean) (but ive never smelled tonka bean) and the new base i made #17.2 didnt have it which is what i used in the second reformulation, now called honey may. so base #17.2 is oakmoss and violet leaf. its now base #17 and has replaced it. so into layering these two perfumes. now the smoking violets has more body. its super late and im feeling a bit sick hungry and sleepy but also so troleld and just want to feel comfortable and not monitored watched etc cos im not making any money cos i dont have a place to make any money or set up my studio or set up my mind. super tired. owen isnt around cos i dont want to keep paying for his rent and thats a whole other thing about how he pays me back and his entire autism thing it makes me paranoid hes fake too and paranoia is a real thing paired with trauma and i just want none of these things to happen to me but there is a lot of indication regarding podding me about sex and how im being watched sexually how i have sex how i masturbate and how they communicate (texts calls knocks on doors etc) its suicide inducing and makes me feel like some gross arab harem has got its stink eye on me as well. oh the dreams smut novellas are made of!
.
.
this is all about venting and using the word fuckinit will prob go to draft
i think i gotta shut down my etsy store. i only have trolls buying from me now. none of these people are natural purchases. the last few purchases were timed so hard, like right when im having a really hard time, or like when the fuckin retard like puts my bin with my shop items deep into the new storage and i gotta fuckin haul everything out just to get the damn thing. this will happen and ill get the buyer stressing me out really hard cos im shipping late. ffs its like i just $3 including shipping. the entire year was like this, all the buys were timed creep buys just to abuse and make it harder for me. fuck this last guy i literally had such a god damn hard time getting his fuckin order, i had to pull the printer out and print it, this is after going to the storage twice to look for it then its not there and have to make it, so did the printer then liteally glued the prints in the last temp apartment that scammed me $300 then id been carrying it around in bag for like a week getting spun by aggressive retard and moving. and im sure that fucking guy is reading my blog, jacking off, talking to me online, pretending he doesnt know me. and this is how it goes with me. and people think im paranoid, but when you gone through this much abuse its not paranoia, its being observant.

another fucking thing is this god damn canada post my fuckin fern essential oil order is fuckin missing cos they fuckin sent it to somewhere else instead of the fucking address and now the landlord didnt get the package either cos canada post decides to fuckin send it somewhere else
im so fuckin pissed i cant even enjoy the chinese roommate troll being gone today
probably spoke to soon and one of my abusers gonna send another non disclosure agreement fuck to fuck with me some more . yeah writing it down, oh that tv character familiar? oh all the names in this show that reminds me of me are names of people in my real life weird, oh this film is super familiar oh its too bad i dont read books huh lets toot shit on twitter and watch it get picked up by the media huh oh what about house this fuckin gem? NAH LETS JUST KEEP FUCKING WITH HER WHILE WE STEAL FROM HER
ffs.

kinda like this fuckin hostel ey, every single fuckin corner you got an asshole watching you, there are cameras everywhere I stay. not anyone elses room, i noticed every fuckin corner im being recorded. im fuckin sick of this shit. if theyre so fuckin keen on a sexually active woman why dont they hire ( HIRE AS IN PAY) for a god damn prostitute? why they gotta stress on me? what the fuck did i do? what the fuck cant they do? why the fuck are they on me so fuckin hard? huh? 
i didnt tell you or i set it to draft, about how they creep on me sexually. i didnt fuckin tell you that, oh yeah, imagine every sexual move you make someone makes you know theyre watching, by texting you, calling you, knocking on the door, etc, yeah cool huh. very comfortable huh. its not even half of it, its not even a little bit, its just one of the more obvious ones. like when i lived in that trap house for a year getting dicked around by that patrice fuck spreading lies about me with his landlord gang and the cops believing these disreputable men, yup, when i lived on jones the landlord would come knock on my door no less then 10 minutes after i get out of the shower. almost everytime, and its like wtf i thought he lived in markham? what kind of manufacturing and pushing an agenda is this? when i lived on jones there were so many creeps forcing their way into my place, it was the first place i got since parkdale that was self contained (it was bedroom sized bachelor) i was so sick then, peak sick, the fuckin guy forcing his way in all the time, even breaking my glass window, other guys refusing to leave while they copied an ex story or scenario they fuckin stole off something they spied, to make it feel familar for me, so i'd fall for their trap, fuck these guys, write a fuckin rap song about it, watch your coworker sing it, think you know it, cos you read it on my fuckin blog two months ago but you forgot. fuck this shit man its happening to a lot of people that use substances cos theres a lot of research money for that. fuckin hell man. i just wish life was like how it was. it was so different and i was living up to meeting the scene that i was living for only to grow into learning its gone, people left that mind set and now its all i dunno, apps and shit.

and now i got 4 lightswitch plates all made up but i already had a fuckin meltdown cos this last dick is fucking with me like all the dicks. toronto dick is a special kind of  dick. biblethumpin kind of you have to know and that would mean....
that these gossipy diary rant posts get more views than any of my craft post like my laptop case that got no interest so i forgot to finish it also its trauma cos darryl.

i guess its just paranoia. i dunno lack of medication? privacy? lonely? isolated? cabin fever? no way cos of what happened on manning. no way will i be gaslit into thinking this tomfoolery and maltreatment from lack of knowledge is in my mind. so what, people who dont know me can say im something to get forced medicated? that is freakin scary. and super 3rd world. i know this for a fact yikes talk about ptsd !!! i wont even go there.
probably just frustrated and lack of brain chem fixed by smokin weed (plus food but no maid for nico unfortunately) gotta go food bank! yay! its sunny today and i still have half a large doob and falling asleep f o o t time to S t r e t c h out and trip out and melt down into a nice puddle that evaporates . . .