the weed i grew

​Well first of all let me say the plant died before the trichomes matured into a nice amber colour so the plant got chopped before all the colas dried up as the plant died which totally sucked I overwatered it and it just conked out on me right at the end there.That said now that I’m smoking some of it of course I plucked out all of the useless leaves because I didn’t do it when the plant was still alive I watched the leaves all curl up and die which was kind of stupid and pointless now I have to pluck them out before smoking a bud the bud is pretty good it’s very very sativa it’s really energetic and the taste is ok its grassy gassy and mild floral its not foresty nor fruity, a dry smoke, quite nice effect. Sorry the punctuation is lacking im working on my speech to text and dont know how to make the thing write the commas  , Parentheses!,,,.. OK so I might know how to do it now.

two jars

​remember jacq the plant well 

I just tried some and it works!!! Not the best weed but certainly not the worst! Actually a bit gassy !! 

plants

​im going to have three babies!!!! Check out my little seedlings 

I lost weed

I haven't smoked weed in so long. I keep buying it but it doesn't work anymore the same the strains are all different and buying from delivery is why my identity got stolen cos the deliverypeople didn't keep my picture with I'd secure they reuse my I'd with a different picture etc then the risk of the weed being not good became more the norm as time passed. Now I just grab from the store and usually it's kind of expensive usually dry and usually doesn't give me a body high or its the wrong kind of weed and just doesn't do the trick. It's been like this for so many years now since legalization I've given up smoking up and I barely smoke weed anymore it's just not worth it. Then all my containers for stolen so I don't have a visual record anymore. I'm just super disappointed in it all. I ve been buying weed for almost 30 years! And I still don't for a dealer I trust and I still can't find the weed I like there isn't a dispensary I can go to that gives me a good recommendation, maybe ipot, but I'm over it all I smoke now is shwag and it reminds me of being back in the Philippines circa 1998 I believe the weed was the same high but it would cost about 20 dollars for about 3 ounces. So now when I'm paying $68 of my disability budget for 10.5 grams it's beyond insulting it's disappointing. All those years of cheering weed on and promoting it's legalization for access to quality medication is just that. I have to get a medical prescription and seek out the individual farmer or grower or company and its not gotten any easier in my lifetime, it's not gotten easier at all. Maybe some years some times I had a good link but mostly it's always been excruciating for me as a girl to score drugs. I mean come on I can't even get the right kind of bud and no recommendations I can trust. It's simply not worth it anymore.

Bonkers strain Review:

Wee!

https://youtube.com/shorts/vY16XK_vSKU?feature=share

Great bud! I haven’t had such a nice high in so long. My eyes a bit droopy but only because Im using the phone to type. I smoked about .30 - .40 grams in a rolled joint with a cardpaper filter. Excellent flavours. Its got that gassy taste which helps till the end, but its a spicy pungent and s slightly sour flavour with a bit of a woods grassy resinous flavour like vetiver or a balsam grass. The weed is quite strong and the effects come on immediately after one or two draws upon the exhale.

It recommendable for PTSD and CPTSD for sure because you forget everything but the task at hand so it enables you to complete the task. The mood I have is still responsible but I have forgotten the pain and anguish and reduced the suffering that makes time pass slowly. Even the electric fan sounds like its spinning faster but it is the same as it was earlier. I can stop myself from spazzing and going into trauma memories and muscle memory but I dont want to test it in social actions here at home (trap house) because I dont want to waste or ruin my high. So for social occasions I am unsure if this is recommended for tough situations due to its self referencing and curiosity aspect. Excellent high, euphoric, not a dry mouth but you can feel the high on your tongue. It feels flexible, and self directed and self dictated where I know I can go ahead and lose my trauma dictated inhibitions that are harmful and debilitating to daily functioning (ex. Drinking water, going to the bathroom, making food, speaking, etc) 

So glad I bought this weed! I found it online (google) and it was a new on special offer for 90 cad plus 15 delivery and it came with a rechargable shatter pen and thc gummies! Thought i’d share the love with this review and pics here.!

 well that escalated rather slowly and abrubtly ended, with hopes.

so i found jacob in my real life facebook and a bunch of other tent people i dont know and a few people i did know, but worst of all was my autistic cousin luigi was there and im not sure how he got in there, he might have deactivated his account when i deleted everyone or whatever but i got really scared these trolls and influencers and propagandists might have been interacting with him. holy god hooooweee. so i told him its not safe and hope he deleted that creepy andrew jack copy cat troll that is very persistent. not sure what that is but that needs some assistance and might be just what the police and those ai people need to study. all that trolls account is fake filipino names making a mockery out of people all the comments and posts are vomit inducing and i think the troll is making my cousin sick. made me sick in less than one minute. so please can you make sure youre not feeling like you are being fooled to accept a slight because thats the worst kind of abuser and might last for years to a lifetime, very damaging, some kind of swamp creature licking at you under its fake skin of a reasonable looking humanoid. 

but the trolls. so i figured out or kind of understand the structure of what it felt like. 

it felt like someone was stealing the return on my word of mouth and original thought output online. these two sources i always usually got what i expected from the spin, mostly in different interpretations and never to my advantage except for getting the ideas across enough to be widespread enough that its legal and ok now. then it became some thing felt like it was chasing me around, a landlord who stole the identity of joe and was chasing me around town by denying me a place to live by discriminating against me cos of the nature of marijuana (/?) and at the same time housing me in strictly only the worst houses that no one else rented or wanted or were closed down due to rodents or pests, while robbing me of my health records showing that landlord (steve) in particular had given me sleep paralysis and nightmares because of his behaviour inside the house on manning, and other weird stuff when i was renting, then when i was homeless the drop ins started targeting me and shelters too, but they targeted me by my first name cos i dont think joe knows my name is michelle nicole. so it was a really strange paradigm where i used michelle as a first name and people who know me on paper use michelle, but if i met one of these plebs i would introduce that my name is nicole but michelle is fine, then the people that know me as nicole alone (this is where joe lay) and people i know from a long time ago who know my name is michelle and nicole but know me as nicole alone. really confusing for me at first but now i see why people would think i was lying about something. 

so who is joe? joe is an old cannabis shop keeper and grower from bc. i fell in love with him and he broke my heart and he took it back and offered to fly me out to come visit him but i said no and i literally never saw him again and regret it to this day.. fuckin cried about it and everything and i always felt that if i had gone out to go see him i wouldve ended up never suffering as much as i did throughout my time in canada on my own. like id totally be ok to have kids with a guy like joe. he was so responsible and quick to the task and never any hesitation after assured thought. i wouldnt even think about it with regards to responsibility but for loyalty cos i guess he was trying to make me jealous and i had just arrived to canada and i couldnt handle it cos i was badly traumatized when i arrived here and hadnt gotten over those things yet so it was too much humiliation to bare and i couldnt accept his offer which he gave the summer after we broke and i left him with some watermelon looking blonde. 

i still remember the first day i walked into that kitchen. reminds me of hey rosetta! "we made a pact" . just realized i looked up where his old shop was on commercial on this dinky creep wifi so if anyone says they know where it was and you doubt them its probably cos theyre creeping on me. 

so i found this and thought it sounds like joe but im not sure. also did he sell to green room. looking forward to voicing concerns and ideas for previously criminalized actions regarding protection of property, after all cannabis is a proven medicine and a huge relief to suffering so i really do not believe these men and women should be disallowed to work in the cannabis industry just because they were defending their right to grow and sell an ethnobotanical. entheogenic plants are a huge boon to the mental health of civilians who need to reach out to nature for a grounding back to our reality of city living. we have all forgotten that people are our main resource and without connections made through open communication we cannot compare each others schema and life arc to gauge the health of our locales and connections throughout the country and further. it was very important to me to maintain honesty as my way of communicating because i was sick with physical ailments that were never addressed and forming an unhealthy relationship with being ignored as someone with physical limitations while being followed and targeted as a source of wealth by addicted thieves was really scary. i was getting violently beaten up by guys i didnt know much at all. once by a complete stranger in a car. personal boundaries and support and what i need from people and what people want to offer as support are vastly different and very private to me anyway. 

i have been getting labeled as some crazy person who has no mind of her own and is a risk and danger to i dont know what actually, a danger to ugly houses? the police and tenants by the landlords have been putting me in camh and camh had been treating me like some wild animal tying me down to the bed and masking me and leaving me in an isolation room what the fuck i still had some sinus problems that were melting off my face then i couldnt breathe and then what was that all about with the shelter staff stealing all my clothes this one couple in particular the guy worked at st stephens and the girl worked at street haven and they both combined used their access to my privacy and they stole my clothes and followed me to grizzs tent and i saw them sell bags of clothes to him. now that i think of it i think they were looking for nicole but thought i was michelle and denied that i was nicole to the person looking for me who i think now, might be joe my first long lost marijuana boyfriend that i wouldve totally had a baby with from when i was 22 or something. now im 42 and this kind of shit is happening, still. and i just wanna die and hate going outside these days. its all minus to me. i dont get anything back from the ideas i put out there i think steve and his porkwop greek gang of goofy tards from florida and around stole a calabrian mafias reputation and word of mouth to destroy what turns out to be my almost blind father named joe too, and me, what people found out about michelle cos they were looking for nicole under the table for joe the marijuana grower. ffs. it makes way more sense than anything i ever tried to figure out and also it really depresses me cos if it was actually joe and if joe was selling weed to green room then hes been here in toronto since 2013 and i wished he got back in touch with me in 2004 but i think someone was already hiding me and obfuscating the nature of their enquiries and donations and other tokens of gratitude that were meant for me because i have been vocal and explicit about my experience with regards to legalization in canada and the medical program access i really fucked up by not being believed as a woman with physical disability, serious trauma that caused ptsd, and as well i had some maladies that worsened with stigmatization regarding these problems i had with people not communicating properly to me. anyway i think this sounds like joe. i never knew his last name, or if i did, i forgot it.  The War on BC's Small Pot Farmer | The Tyee 

OCS STRAINS

 man whittling down my ocs order is a problem i wish i didnt have. this is a great time to try the classics and hybrids that they have up. the basics afghani and hindu kush, diesel, pink kush, rockstar, 24 gold (one of my fave oranges along with acapulco), uk cheese, grapefruit x gorilla glue 4, chem og, mazar i sherif (or is it just mazer?), pink grapefruit haze (yes!) they got a jack on wholesale, and i want to try the white shark, subway scientist (this was too expenive when i first saw it in the green room on spadina), theres also a durga mata, alien dawg, something called orange apricot, and the lemons for sure, a lemon dory, lemon z, and a lemon skunk...as im still on the search for that excellent ohio "lemon" i was blessed to try once. they even have a kali mist now but how will any ever compare to the one i got from mark with a van damn that kali mist was pure driven snow fluffy and sweetly floral that filled that night at kensingtons white rooms almost steamy gathering for basils performance of repeatedly crashing into a wall until he broke through, and the flavour was anything but burnt so i passed on adding it to my ridicuously over full bag but if there was one or two grams of each i would try them all, better yet no limit and i didnt have to pay rent..... meanwhile fuckin hell again it feels like fake film background collection of the third party privacy invasion and theft need investigation into the reasons why nicole is crying HARASSMENT!!!!!!!!!!! hence the ocs order.... fantasy order...??? i havvent whittled at all nor even gone through th entire menu. jeez! better thing to do right now would be repainting my badly painted toe nail? going on a bike ride to take my medication?/ i got diagnosed add but i think im more hyper cos its moody based on trauma memories and company for inspiration for maintaining a creative and mobile space as in mobile in the sense that you can use it with ease and are comfortable your work is safe there. my quilted stolen pouches fom the davenport shelter and sistering? fucking hate that and how they stole prfumes someone ordered online and put them in my tent again hile i was sleping in my tent later that day? ugh just gross and very uncomfortable two years of for dd homelessness and stigmatization because of my lifestyle choices and landlords perceptions of what is morally good or congruent with their lifestyle and survival behaviours and outward social expressions, like honsstly gfy right? anyway i might try the ...oh fuck it i dont know what to try out from the ocs. someone offered blue dream haze but i dont like the sleepy ones cos i like to have done many things throughout the day so i feel personally accomplished toward my life goals. unfortunally when i smoke a sleepy weed i feel like i dont want to do organizing and cleaning so i dont get to use my small expensive room (the landlords bullied and bossed me around into letting them take my stuff i hadnt moved in yet and put it in the garden and other indoor  closet. the next day it rained for two days and i dispared) so i should go take my add meds but because some witch decideed theyre the patients executive function, i have to take the capsuls open, just balls, which is gag inducing me into a further stigmatized hell then i cant get ready because my room seems too messy. sighing also im super hungry and theres nothing but plain rice and capers and tuna. should i eat that? i dont know. i guess ill smoke another joint and see. its  alled algonquin park and im not sure of its genetics but i like its lighter fluffy leaf structured flowers as opposed to the denser more purply ones. 

New Cannabis Soap

Made a soap on Friday and cut it on Sunday
its a bit too fatty......

i got to soap outside

 didnt really prepare the area very well (thats my lye water in the peanut glass)

 heres the blend

 and they looked super great .....

 super squishy looking and thick

 nice batter

 then they gelled and the tops were ruined

 squish

 heres me minding the day, i made a mango salad and watched them not gel

 the mango salad was delicious

 then i insulated them and they gelled.
and had some problems because i left them covered in plastic the whole next day (dumb) and the big one had condensation and started brown spots and i was horrified
so i made a cutter and sliced the top off

this was the cutter i made. it sucked.

 heres the slice. see the spots?

 then underneath you can see how fatty the soap is

 this is the uneven sliced off top

 heres the soap

 you can see the gel phase

 these were the small container

 different colour from the large container

and here is the soap mold i was starting to make with the landlord bill.
he cut these for me and lent me stain and varnish

Great Post on CBD in topicals and wild claims

https://chemistscorner.com/cosmeticsciencetalk/discussion/4067/cannabis-in-shampoo-and-conditioner

is that omni, their cbd salves have dmso

.:

Cistus.

im making an oil blend right now.

but reading up on labdanum and cistus (had no idea)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cistus

and if you look down to the mapped out species in the genus 
thats what i want to see with weed
and studies backed with the aromatic compounds and their triggers in our systems
how the maturity of the resin on plant, by curing, etc varies the effect of the strain, not withstanding potency or cultivation method. standard. like there are some strains that are standard but there are so many potentially made up names
its an intense map!

but im making a chypre
and an amber
maybe

Cannabis Soap

July 19, 2018...
Finally made a successful soap! It set right away! I used the mixer!
Scented with the cannabis terpene profile blend, made it again with a few adjustments, added green clay. Its sunflower and coconut oil soap!
So excited for it to fully set.
Even got to do the fancy thing on top.

--
oh man the soap looks messed up. im gonna have to learn how to rebatch. theres blotches of darker dots of oil on top. the milk box one is fine, i mixed it more. the large one, it looks messed up.
i should have mixed it fully and not just half ass on top. i wonder whats going to happen to it.
.rebatching seems awful. i hope its just the top part thats messed up so it can be sliced off.
aw my first loaf soap project. another failure. i hope the milk box turns out.

im so curious what is going to happen to this blotchy loaf????

well the blotchy loaf isnt so bad after all!!! im so pleased. it has a great texture and colour, mild very faint green from the green clay and milky looking.
the only thing was the white spots.
i think they are stearic acid spots. i googled "dreaded white spots in soap" and got the dreaded orange spots a lot but i found this great soap makers blog on the white spots.
http://www.lovinsoap.com/2017/01/white-spots-in-soap/
remembering my process, i didnt fully melt the coconut oil, there were some solid pieces and i just shook it till the pieces melted. could that be the reason??? anyway i think its great and will try to do better next time. also i still have the mini milk box worth of soap to unmold and will see if the white spots are there. my kitchen knife is too thick and i didnt make a soap cutter today so unless i find a really thin knife i will make a wire cutter out of something. what, maybe a hanger and wire. idk.

here is the soap!

the bottoms (the fancy top part i thought i messed up) are softer.
reading that article i also think the soap went into false trace? i dont know!
ive used some of the shavings and it bubbles great. i will wait for the bars to harden up a bit more before trying them out. like the one experiment soap (the round one with beeswax from the cbd oil salve from stepping stone holistic) the top oils separated and i left it to dry and it took a while but it did eventually firm up. so exciting! i think the soap looks really high quality, i mean, except the white spots. and it smells amazing!!! it smells like my cannabis blend. but it also smells like soap. it smells and looks like a really nice bar of soap.

turns out the white spots are not stearic acid spots like i thought, they are just bubbles that got swiped when i cut it with a knife. because i am not using an immersion mixer/blender.
and its also ridiculously soft. bendy in the shower. i could not wait.

went to the RNMKR women in cannabis trailblazers event on wednesday the 27th and gave out the soap slices to the speakers, well not all, not the dutch company or 48north :(
so yeah its pretty soft, i think it works great though. so the next soap will be sunflower and coconut with stearic acid. so its quick and fresh cos the essential oils will evaporate. but im almost out of the french green clay (froggy)
the only lady i was able to convey that the soap was fresh was trina fraser a lawyer with a cannabis law group. https://www.blogto.com/events/rnmkrtalks-women-trailblazers-toronto/
here are some pics from the event!

it was the merchants of green coffee in the east side along broadview and carol
love that spot
got a free ticket from a pr guy named phil wong off linkedin - whew, stoked!
met a lot of amazing people, everyone was dressed to the most highly smart casual which was great. so many cool women, wow.
-----
june 25, ive made another cannabis soap. this one has inclusions of the previous cannabis soap. made it last night and it has sunflower, coconut, hemp seed oil and west african shea butter (given to me)
i also added some cbd oil (liquid life from med man) and some of my aromatherapy cannabis blend.
its got a buttery yellow colour from the hemp seed oil and shea butter, and the inclusions are the grey-green from the french clay. it just set this morning so i wont be cutting it till maybe tomorrow.
i think its going to be a nice soap too.

so when i made the soap i noticed a fatty surface swirl that would not mix in.
i wonder if that has anything to do with the shiny texture after using?
the shea butter given to me was said to be organic from west africa, i have no experience with shea butter cept that brand from the u.s. thats east african variety and yellow and thickly fragrant and nut buttery. this shea butter given to me was not hard, greyish translucent with a slight tinge of waxy yellow, had a gritty texture and smelled and tasted like bacon grease. weird huh. i had to try it. it smelled like bacon! i havent tried the yellow shea butter though, so maybe ill do that too.

oh woops heres me selfie taken yesterday.  notice how i dont look like my blogger profile picture anymore. anyway here is the new cannabis soap but its just got inclusions of the cannabis scented soap in it. its actually the shea butter soap with hemp seed oil.
i wish i scented it. noticed people at the event while giving the soap out thought i was using individual terpenes and asked where they came from and i had to explain i was using essential oils with a high content of that terpene and did not purchase the individual chemical terpene to make a blend. yikes i hope thats not the expectation because i am no laboratory. its like when people would ask if i made the chains of my necklaces too.(not yet)

 this is the one i tried out and used. cut it before it was harder so stuck the two ends together and squished it between coffee filters. made a whole new bar lol. see how shiny it is. its shinier than the green clay one. you cant see it here as its filmed over the inclusions, but it is.

made a new soap and will end this post here.

 p.s.
using and giving out the soap without fair warning after reading this nice post makes me feel really awful yikes lets hope if something happens to anyones skin they will contact me.
http://sealeha.canalblog.com/archives/2010/10/13/19320484.html