Finished quilt!

​the quilt is totally finished! All the edges are all sewn up the cotton trim is adorable!! I need to go wash it now and see how it stands up to the test of the commercial washer down the street ohhh i cant wait to smell it all soft and fresh !!! This is hands down the best thing i made for myself. All the clothes i made were stolen, bags i dont use anymore, little pouches yeah, but this… this is enormous! Oh yeah theres that cute coat i made but its too small for me go figure i make something too small. Actually this quilt is a bit small for a full or twin sized mattress, the edges just make it. If i was to be sharing there would be blanket snatching during the night the quilt would have to go sideways no?? Its so great but now that its all grown up i want another baby…to sell! What a challenge. Also i fucked up and i think this is the last day of the fabricland sale…..i didnt buy anything else when i bought the duvet cos it was 50 bucks and i was being conservative. I should go, there was some super cute fabric to get but without a pattern, how willi know how much fabric to buy? I supposed i could buy fabric for these blocks and make a similar quilt carefully not recreating the one i just made cos this one is mostly copyrighted patterns from the etsy book i bought to learn. I also wanted to buy some quilting books on thriftbooks but i didnt because im trying to figure out how to maximize my time effort and money. Like now for sure i want to get the sewing machine fixed, i didnt before because i was going to hand-sew and now that its done i want the machine again to piece more blocks. Actually some of the blocks are patterns i came up with but im still not sure what hercopyright is… will have to reread it… i should send her a picture of the quilt! Yup i got a new hobby.ithink of  Simons mum a lot cos she is a fabulous quilter and has scores of completed quilts at home just piling up from what i remember.

I left the back part just plain. Basically its a blanket it sewed all around the edges. Think itll be ok but i might tack it on from the top. I dunno if i need to though cos the static and the surface nature of the two fabrics the duvet and the front of the polyester sheet stick together, so the back is this kind of slippery feel. Its a blanket from a shelter i had and it fit perfectly. Go figure. Same shelter that stole my mail which was a package of cubic zirconia diamonds. Fuckin shelter system you know they really fucked up and just tormented and targeted women during the emtire covid i hated all the african staff they treated the women so badly what the fuck. They claimed their lives mattered more than the shelter participants and would kick women out on the street for no reason whatsoever.

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Yipee i just got back from fabricland and i totally took advantage of the sale. Got a bumch of fabric for my next quilt project, my two feather pillow covers project, and a bunch of sequin appliqués i want to put on a quilted bag project. 

Then after fabricland i walked in the rain to wilson to go to my local vape store but they didnt have the pods i wanted nor did they have the vape juice i wamted so i bought two disposable vapes for 11 something bucks as they were on sale. 

Then i got back and bought bbq from the filipino bbq on the corner of wilson and bathurst the filipino side. Honestly their chicken is better than the pork. 

So now im all full and what a turn out of a day. I totally invested my cash and treated myself. Heres the fabric stack and a sequin applique shot 

I thought the day was done for when i fell into remembering how the shelters would kick me out over and over again for no reason whatsoever. I cant even right now. Yeah so i salvaged the day and hope i wont remind myself how badly i was treated by other women who really had no business being the decision maker in weather or not a woman would have to spend the night outside during winter when the shelters were not even full. So yeah i was really lucky i thought of fabric land. Oh yeah also i walked to value buds on dufferin and bought a new cart thc 90% cbg 10% from spinach and it smells great actually. Then the budtender who i totally appreciated gave me a discount business card for the shroom dispensary downtown!! Im stoked to go!! Yeah so PTSD is a real vibe kill and it can really bring you down til you cant move no more. You gotta find something better to do…. Well weed helps. Lol. Obviously

parasites in my intestines

You know that old nursery rhyme, well maybe pass nursery,kindergarten, that goes: nobody likes me everybody hates me I'm going to eat some worms short fat stubby ones itsy bitsy teeny ones swiggly Wiggly funny little worms, well turns out nobody liked me and I did eat some worms, so I'm going to get dewormed today! At least I think it's worms. I read up about it and I totally grossed myself out because I looked at pictures. Did you know that you're supposed to get dewormed once a year? I didn't and I failed to get all my vaccinations up to date. I used to go to this walk-in family clinic on college but after I got really sick and my doctor said nothing despite me going multiple times in a mild panic with a vague questioning regarding my health, I don't want to go back there. I always felt that that doctor thought I had a crush on him or was coming on to him. It was kind of gross because I really needed help from a doctor but I didn't know he was just a doctor for show signing on to the ohip form of whatever I was trying to do at the doctor so we could collect his 200 and go directly past jail but actually he should have gone directly to jail. Just kidding. At the very least he didn't have to get a specialized license plate. Because I saw a car with his last name as a license plate and I wanted to scratch his car with my keys. What a douchebag assuming that I was there for show. Here's a tip for the future Nicole, next time you think a center is run by a bunch of Muslim men, don't use their doctor. I must have wasted about 5 years going to that doctor and not getting a single diagnosis or test requested regarding my multiple symptoms of malady. Because the excuse of having bad hygiene was too convenient for everyone without understanding what lifelong trauma exacerbated by current reoccurring traumatic events manipulated by a third party, or heck even face to face, will do to a woman like me who wanted to do something else. So yeah I'm super traumatized because I was forced to eat dirt off oily plates because those black guys were the filthiest m************ mother Ducker s for not only were they actually physically filthy, using my plates after asking them not to, leaving oily traces all over them, leaving disgusting scum and they're disgusting pubic hairs all over the bathroom after every time I would wash it wipe it clean it, they were also mentally toxic, emotionally terrifying, obviously manipulative, and quite frankly they were scary men, maladjusted, emotionally charged, consistent in strawman arguments, and rather unpredictable with out knowing who they were they just seemed unstable and potentially physically violent, which they proved. The level of disgust and filth that I felt and still feel I need to wash off me as they pawed me the entire time, is unbearably high. Considering I never met these men, nor would I ever want to, the amount of damage, emotional, mental, physical damage that they did, plus all the theft, and destruction of my personal belongings, I really want to see them hurt badly in return. I don't want to spend too much energy thinking about it because I spent all of my energy recovering from their psychological attacks. I would never recommend living with them I wouldn't even recommend speaking with them because in doing so you will taint your soul, and your spirit will get soiled, and not a good kind of soil but the gross soil that you scrape off a Spadina Kensington market fish stall corner. The level of fake these men employ only speaks of how little they actually know. They had nothing to tell me except for their perverted eyes pleading murder. I didn't want to be in their presence whatsoever and the whole time I could hear and feel them continuously approach my bedroom and hover at my door. They had a disgusting air about them, a haughty arrogance that reeked of slander. I never met men who were so uneducated and Ill experienced to make me fear my life until I met the two black guys and the redhead who moved in a few months before they maliciously locked me out.

Anyway I'm getting dewormed today and I suggest you do the same. I believe it's just a series of tablets.

mizzirizzi

A silly rhyme in time 

 becomes commited to mind

A bind you may find difficult to mine

To define the fix nix the line that   decimates the clock

Loosen the knot call kettle pot

Brown is black in new T - dot

MAGIC MUSHROOMS GONNA BE APPROVED FOR GENERAL POPULATION SOON

 AND I QUOTE: "Oral psilocybin is showing itself to be clinically efficacious by producing statistically significant reductions in depression and anxiety symptoms over time versus control in multiple clinical trials. It has also been shown to reduce cigarettes per day and drinks per day in patients with substance use disorders. Thus far, there have been no significant adverse clinical events from psilocybin and there also have been no verifiable recorded deaths reported. Larger studies need to be performed before the drug can potentially become approved for use in the general population."

Hodge AT, Sukpraprut-Braaten S, Narlesky M, Strayhan RC. The Use of Psilocybin in the Treatment of Psychiatric Disorders with Attention to Relative Safety Profile: A Systematic Review. J Psychoactive Drugs. 2022 Feb 28:1-11. doi: 10.1080/02791072.2022.2044096. Epub ahead of print. PMID: 35225726.

Bonkers strain Review:

Wee!

https://youtube.com/shorts/vY16XK_vSKU?feature=share

Great bud! I haven’t had such a nice high in so long. My eyes a bit droopy but only because Im using the phone to type. I smoked about .30 - .40 grams in a rolled joint with a cardpaper filter. Excellent flavours. Its got that gassy taste which helps till the end, but its a spicy pungent and s slightly sour flavour with a bit of a woods grassy resinous flavour like vetiver or a balsam grass. The weed is quite strong and the effects come on immediately after one or two draws upon the exhale.

It recommendable for PTSD and CPTSD for sure because you forget everything but the task at hand so it enables you to complete the task. The mood I have is still responsible but I have forgotten the pain and anguish and reduced the suffering that makes time pass slowly. Even the electric fan sounds like its spinning faster but it is the same as it was earlier. I can stop myself from spazzing and going into trauma memories and muscle memory but I dont want to test it in social actions here at home (trap house) because I dont want to waste or ruin my high. So for social occasions I am unsure if this is recommended for tough situations due to its self referencing and curiosity aspect. Excellent high, euphoric, not a dry mouth but you can feel the high on your tongue. It feels flexible, and self directed and self dictated where I know I can go ahead and lose my trauma dictated inhibitions that are harmful and debilitating to daily functioning (ex. Drinking water, going to the bathroom, making food, speaking, etc) 

So glad I bought this weed! I found it online (google) and it was a new on special offer for 90 cad plus 15 delivery and it came with a rechargable shatter pen and thc gummies! Thought i’d share the love with this review and pics here.!

OCS STRAINS

 man whittling down my ocs order is a problem i wish i didnt have. this is a great time to try the classics and hybrids that they have up. the basics afghani and hindu kush, diesel, pink kush, rockstar, 24 gold (one of my fave oranges along with acapulco), uk cheese, grapefruit x gorilla glue 4, chem og, mazar i sherif (or is it just mazer?), pink grapefruit haze (yes!) they got a jack on wholesale, and i want to try the white shark, subway scientist (this was too expenive when i first saw it in the green room on spadina), theres also a durga mata, alien dawg, something called orange apricot, and the lemons for sure, a lemon dory, lemon z, and a lemon skunk...as im still on the search for that excellent ohio "lemon" i was blessed to try once. they even have a kali mist now but how will any ever compare to the one i got from mark with a van damn that kali mist was pure driven snow fluffy and sweetly floral that filled that night at kensingtons white rooms almost steamy gathering for basils performance of repeatedly crashing into a wall until he broke through, and the flavour was anything but burnt so i passed on adding it to my ridicuously over full bag but if there was one or two grams of each i would try them all, better yet no limit and i didnt have to pay rent..... meanwhile fuckin hell again it feels like fake film background collection of the third party privacy invasion and theft need investigation into the reasons why nicole is crying HARASSMENT!!!!!!!!!!! hence the ocs order.... fantasy order...??? i havvent whittled at all nor even gone through th entire menu. jeez! better thing to do right now would be repainting my badly painted toe nail? going on a bike ride to take my medication?/ i got diagnosed add but i think im more hyper cos its moody based on trauma memories and company for inspiration for maintaining a creative and mobile space as in mobile in the sense that you can use it with ease and are comfortable your work is safe there. my quilted stolen pouches fom the davenport shelter and sistering? fucking hate that and how they stole prfumes someone ordered online and put them in my tent again hile i was sleping in my tent later that day? ugh just gross and very uncomfortable two years of for dd homelessness and stigmatization because of my lifestyle choices and landlords perceptions of what is morally good or congruent with their lifestyle and survival behaviours and outward social expressions, like honsstly gfy right? anyway i might try the ...oh fuck it i dont know what to try out from the ocs. someone offered blue dream haze but i dont like the sleepy ones cos i like to have done many things throughout the day so i feel personally accomplished toward my life goals. unfortunally when i smoke a sleepy weed i feel like i dont want to do organizing and cleaning so i dont get to use my small expensive room (the landlords bullied and bossed me around into letting them take my stuff i hadnt moved in yet and put it in the garden and other indoor  closet. the next day it rained for two days and i dispared) so i should go take my add meds but because some witch decideed theyre the patients executive function, i have to take the capsuls open, just balls, which is gag inducing me into a further stigmatized hell then i cant get ready because my room seems too messy. sighing also im super hungry and theres nothing but plain rice and capers and tuna. should i eat that? i dont know. i guess ill smoke another joint and see. its  alled algonquin park and im not sure of its genetics but i like its lighter fluffy leaf structured flowers as opposed to the denser more purply ones. 

so now im back and i ate some kind of food i made from things i found in the valley of death that the most recent caveman dragged me into.
it was ... ok. i hope.
the caveman is obsessively pounding away at a rock hoping to break it open and use the inside part as a shield from the female horse that attacks him while he gathers berries for his tea.
he thinks the inside part of a rock is soft like an egg but can be molded like wet sand that will dry into a new rock. i want to rest but he is singing the songs from the last time he had exchanges and they are boring songs about street gangs and sucking things and in funny high pitched voices that makes them sound like they sucked up some helium before they recorded the song. my head is weary and tired of waiting for the caveman to leave for a few days expedition so that i can leave without leaving anything else behind but i doubt he will leave for longer than an hour at a time. tonight i thought of making the potion i learned from reading the cave walls by the flowers and plant enclave but caveman with his insistent display of rock pounding and terrible song listening makes it difficult to concentrate. i left some food for caveman so he stops his rock pounding but i dont like to waste food like he does. he makes a show of wasting because he wants me to know he is wasting me.
later on the food is cold and uneaten and caveman offers me some a veal steak he wants to prepare, but since i say no, he eats a pie he bought from the grocery instead.