summer 2023 playlist

 im adding songs to this mixing in the ones i dont hear but have heard too much already during dummer.. should i add hallucinogenics my fave song but is it summer its pretty summer ey ill add it too

mostly the songs from the radio i havent had anyone give me a song in eons. people dont do that anymore? share songs between each other or Its Just Me lol damn i need more friends 

almost there!

 im almost out of camh !! i have a community treatment order ordering me to maintain taking medication! i have a chemical imbalance and i have to take sodium regulators, and heart medication. what a thing to have to do. oh yeah and a monthly injection of someother thing for i dont know the mechanism of action actually. so its a lot to maintain. for 6 months i have to do it or the police will be called and oh my god im being treated like a  criminal thats why ive been so pissed about it. but the best news is i found a new place to live and that COHB is paying for most of the rent! its a small bachelor for $1300 a month with no laundry. so i have to watch my clothes cos theyve all been stolen by me leaving when i do do laundry in a laundromat. yeah. i figured out thats where they mostly went aside from them being all stolem during homeless times. shiyet. my identity has been robbed. turns out there are a lot of wandering souless jerks without an identity and are jealous of people who maintain their own. yuppers its pretty scary out there in the underworld. i wouldnt recommend it to anyone. anyway im all done with this arbitrary detention at camh and im reqady for the rights advisor to call my mom already! oh man its so annoying cos they can only call her at night time her time, as shes in the philippines, so since she goes to bed early its a fuckin nightmare giving me anxiety all the way home. like from 9-10 and you know they wont start work right when they get in. it pisses me off that its this way but there you go i hope it wont take long cos patrice is back from quebec and we booked a hotel room til friday only and if i dont get the rights advisor to call my mom before the thursday ill feel really shitty cos i booked for two people and patrice doesnt have anywhere else to go and he hasnt seen my apartment yet! also i have to finish paying for the thing. its super dingy and it needs a through cleaning before i move in! yeowzers! its a bit musty so im also going to want an air purifier. im worried about smoking pot there so im going to have to take walks at first and ask them if i can smoke pot on the steps outside! some landlords are super hassel about that but i need it for trauma symptoms. like its essential to my survival and mental health! i dunno whats going to happen all i know is that my cto is signed on by everyone involved and all were waiting on is the dsamn rights advisor to phone my mom then phone me. i wish my mom would take the call whenever they call her but she wont and turns her phone off to go to bed. i just wish i didnt have to have her as a secondary descition maker and will be getting my power of attourney after this fiasco for sure! she is all the way across the damn world how dare camh force me to have to have her as a secondary descition maker first of all im already traumatized they kept me indoors for almost 3 months! oh holy shit dont even get me started i already feel kind of annoyed talking about it.... anyway soon enough ill be back in a safe place sewing up some quilts -- my newest hobby biz! well i havent sold any. and ill be listing up jewelry supplies again, i was thinking of making necklace making kits for youtube and to sell the kits on etsy. one step at a time! i dont even know how ill do that but hopefully ill get something like a semblance of a digital camera going or at least a phone holder thingy.... my eyesight is getting worse. i think its because ive been under lights this whole time. i have a feeling it will get worse in the basement but i will just have to figure that out with the right lightbulbs. ok got to go, computer room time over!

so ive been homeless since april
its been a nightmare....
i wrote this in reply this morning after hearing this song


My Crazy Violent Family (memories)
(one sided men who view me as an acquisition)




 Hey Ocean! (featuring Shad K.) - Vagabond

so many people preying on me because they know i have nowhere to go or anyone to turn to
mostly sad people who dont have hobbies that create original concepts and products that get stolen by china and other uncreative locals. lol.

im not going to go into that right now

im looking for a youtube videographer interested in monetizing d.i.y. videos with me!

hopefully my ad wont be flagged on the classifieds. all of the rest do. except the housekeeping jobs where they would literally record me on video..... eww..... people literally disgust me now.

being a public woman is impossible these days. 

cosmetology and aromatherapy school of hard knocks

ahh it feels like im in grade school
paying my lunch dollar to susan and listening to perry on youtube
meanwhile my case studies are totally pending and giving me writers block
because i was up all night reading about other things i dont need to write reports on

forums, blogs, and reviews

sometimes you come across a piece of writing that as you read it you hear the writer ramble and can hear a certain focus. that focus can be the story the writer is trying to write or an unknown focus which manifests itself in the pace and structure of the sentences. punctuation and all that, grammar. this was evident to me when i found the writing of kannibalcorpsegrinder on the imdb user reviews for the movie Karma. after reading his review, maybe 3/4ths of the way in, a certain reality that i could understand showed itself in this vague self referencing, picture flashes of all the nerds i ever spoke to with this focus while retelling a piece of fiction they admired and a certain inattentiveness to worldly time. i could identify. and i appreciated it so much more when i delved into his profile and saw the rest of the reviews he had written for films that i would never see or even have access to. real obscure classics. people are into what theyre into but there is so much stuff already out there but most people dont have the patience to allow themselves to fall into a different pace that isnt dictated by the current trend for "new" which maybe for me has started to feel "rushed" "low quality" "breakable" and all those words that describe cheap. maybe i am thinking of old dollar store or current pop music. if you can ignore what current trends try to lure you away from, your time, would you be happier without the machine prodding your interests towards devaluing your time and compartmentalizing your attention? i was thinking about these long standing user content driven sites, like blogger, blog sites, long standing websites, forums, review spots, that are still around, you can find the old posts going back a decade, decades would be great, i like that. the old haunts. why change anything when it comes to a pile of data that is already accessible. its not like its been a hundred years and we cant understand the language anymore. getting to the juice is the climb. so much fluff out there. capturing the essence of a time is finding a sample of it unchanged, recreating and making it new makes it dated. the best writing you come across is a comment so dense and close to the writers personal dialect or a vividly described other reality, that youre all of a sudden somewhere else. i guess im watching movies on youtube and trying to find a good one on imdb, could you guess. because i cant afford netflix and shouldnt have ever paid for that because finding flicks on netflix is such a bore kind of like these movies on youtube. oh yeah scifi canadian movies over soccer mom flicks.

time is money, attention is time.
when i read pieces of writing that transcend space and time, i like length and clarity but above all i like reading into the passion the writer has for the subject of his writing. i also appreciate a sense of writing that isnt click based or ad based. i like finding a complete world when im avoiding mine, and mine is already filled with wants that are manufactured. a different and complete world is the best time capsule. and how do you handle pace in dated films.

rockyfistscats

rockyfistscats where are you buddy? some of the tracks you introduced me to play on my list and i think about you sometimes. you used to send me youtube videos when i liked your channel. it had so many good records up then youtube took you down for copyright infringement. i wouldve never liked dubstep, ever, if it wasnt for your introduction. i dont remember what part of the uk you were from but you used to drive a forklift and you made me a video one time i showed my brother cos i told him to check out your channel. write me back i want to know how youve been if youre still freezing your ass off while making your mixes. whats your new channel name?