hexagram 44

 UNREAL i cant even believe the iching now. i went on ewalds site to ask for coins i threw myself. well the answer was 44 unchanging. no use in marrying the strong woman etc etc etc.

the question? of course it was:

what kind of outcome can i expect from my loves because i feel excessively polyamorous.

 excessive because the extra lover is just extra and treats me horribly. then i have the chipmunks to deal with and foster. not really. more like be there for because these chipmunks are me but boy. well not exactly like me but i can identify with their 30s identity crisis as their old held beliefs on what life was supposed to be like at their age crumbling at their feet while they do gay stuff for crystal meth again and they wonder why i get so disappointed in the choices they make as they relay their adventure story in reluctant gaydom. yeah so probably should nix that one errant lover. so uh that just makes it me and patrice then and thats way too serious. so its kind of embarrassing were still hanging out with each other after 6 years its a bit long isnt it. i need another lover asap and so does he. quick!

Attachment Styles....

i figured out whats wrong with me!
complex post traumatic stress disorder
with a preoccupied attachment style. my chart is off the hook on fear/anxiety in regards to my mother. duh.... but luckily, i have an extremely secure attachment style to my father and in turn translates to an excellent attachment style with friends... but my poor romantic partners suffer my preoccupied anxiety! like, omgz lol wtf and am i dreaming or did i find out whats wrong with me for real ?

this wonderful resource tells about attachment styles and also has tests! i love tests. you can download the test as a document and keep it. no tracking shite on this site it is totally LEGIT
http://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm



Aliveness,
exploration
Aliveness,
energy
Are you the right man for me?
Are you safe? Are you my friend?
Are you the right man for me?
Are you safe? Are you my friend?

Aliveness,
exploration
Fulfillment,
creativity

Are you the right man for me?
Are you safe? Are you my friend?
Or are you toxic for me?
Will you betray my confidence?

Are you the right man for me?
Are you safe? Are you my friend?
Or are you toxic for me?
Will you betray my confidence?

Naming things is empowering
I balance,
walk and co-or-din-ate myself alone

Aliveness,
energy

Healthy dependence
And healthy independence
And healthy assurances

This love's a nameless dream
And healthy boundaries
And how long would you miss me

-

written by
FRASER, ELIZABETH/GUTHRIE, ROBIN/RAYMONDE, SIMON
a day or so ago i asked the i ching something. it gave me hexagram 50.4> 44 re: inquiring if someone has a personality disorder> which in turn essentially reflects my self...anyway, i got this hex before. it is the same hexagram, different changing line. the only other labeled hexagram post i make on my blog. that post i made in 2008, that same thread i read over 2 years ago- applies/parallels so hard core right now it is uncanny. i am stunned at the "hello" of synchronicity.

lolz someone figured out how my brain works and made it into a diagram

hexagram 50

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i cant sleeeeepppppppp im leaving soon.. making still till i go.. on the waitlists to extend.. duh.. could make more stuff but need that ticket date. oh god someone else please cancel.. but then have orders for when i come back already waiting.. there are so many bags i cant believe the two new designs i came up with. well not really like magically came up with, more like similared. if that isnt a word its definitely my concept. were making 6 of these gorgeous fall bags tomorrow i made the pattern today and cherry worked it out. fast too. and tonnes of the granny style ones....only 3 dresses for blythe coz i forgot to bring velvet and best. duh! ok lang. im going to make inventory tomorrow. i swear there is a shitload of stuff.
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hex 50.3.4 > 4 mmmmm.
Jay Ramsay's poem for Hex.50 (from I Ching: The Shamanic Oracle of Change by Martin Palmer, Jay Ramsay & Zhao Xiaomin)

Offering Up

And can you let it go?
Can you let it be beyond you?
Can you offer it up?

It is hidden in your heart, and your heart knows
This is the sacrifice, and you are it.

Feel it. And it is burning
With the clear flame we call love
That burns off what doesn't belong to it.

Feel it and it is a jewel
It is the most precious thing you have.

And it is yours - because you gave it.

The flame burns rose in your mind, like wine.

It is the best you have, and you gave it. Can you?

http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=1312

mm tis actually 3:53 am Aug. 1. hey lindsay is arriving today :D