bugs under your skin omg!!!!

New post!

Nothing to say.
Just mindless writing.
Need a job, need to move, need to reduce, need to go get some sleep!
A need is a funny thing to have.

I tried to muster up the courage to keep working in my little room but could not do it. It is impossible seeming for me to make anything beautiful in an ugly depressive place. I couldnt do it. I am sure others can, but I cannot.

Living in an ugly place while going through trauma or depression is worse than forcing yourself to go get a move on.

Surrounding yourself with ugly people because you are too tired to keep fighting them off is worse off than laying down in front of some train tracks and waiting to die. Because truly, the train will get you but ugly people will keep picking at you until you become ugly too. When I say ugly I am not saying physically ugly but that could be too. I am talking about ugly on the inside. Base impulses, evil whisperings ruling the mind. Compulsions and maladaptive attachments and disordered thinking as opposed to a calm and serene mind vibration.

Earlier  I was looking at some plants and thought of how the bark of trees are much like human skin in that when a human is young their skin is taunt and supple, much like a tree sapling, then as it ages, the bark grows thicker and wrinkly, a lot like a human. It also seemed to me that trees dont seem to die of old age, but rather of diseases and rot. If human skin is like the bark and leaves of a tree, what can we learn from studying plant diseases.
For example again, today while I was looking at a cute red berry plant, I am unsure what it was, a holly type plant, I noticed it had a sickness on the leaves and wondered if it was how the plant grew or if it was actually a sickness. I took some pictures which I can post in a bit, on the new nifty text to blog posting (which i did not know if before) but looking at the surface of the diseased looking leaf, there were yellowed and red spots with a black centre and I recalled an image of a skin wart on skin with a black "seed". The part that really took me by alarm was that on the other side of the plant disease spots, were little leg looking things, as if the black dot had grown roots, and it kind of disgusted me, because when I was a child I had developed a plantar wart on my finger and I remember it being on my finger forever, maybe a year or more, looking at it, and picking at it, asking the maids about it, who consistently insisted that I needed to soak it in water (maybe salt water i cannot remember) and then pull it out because it had roots, they said. When I saw the spots on the leaves and thought of that wart picture with the black seed in the center, I also thought of the maids telling me to pull the plantar wart out by the roots (which i never did as i was too scared to do it because i didnt believe them when they said it had roots which i thought were only reserved for plants) Anyway it made me wonder. About spider mites. YIKES and I thought oh my god are these little black dots on the leaves a hybrid of spider and plant mutation and I was horryfied because one summer I tried to grow a tomato plant on my balcony but it got left there for a week and it got covered with spidermites, which I touched and stuff and tried to eradicate with spicy water and all manner of home made remedies, none of which eliminated the spider mites due to inconsistent applications. Anyway I thought que horror! Are all skin viral infections a form of literal bug specie that is unrecognized? And I gagged!!!!! I thought about alopecia and a proven essential oil treatment  (cedar atlas, rosemary, thyme, and lavender essential oils in a carrier applied to scalp for 7 months straight) and I thought are those oils that kill bugs? And I thought omg the little bugs that live inside the sebum sacs of your hair, too many of them may be a cause of hair loss... and I gagged again!!!!!!!! UGH
And it makes me think of this french mode of "keeping their lover close to their breast" by plucking a body lice off their lover and encasing it in a gilded cage necklace "so it can suck on my blood as well" OMG so gross. This is of course super vintage france when they wore bodices and stuff like powdered wigs or whatever.
Have we never left the dark ages?
Has our desire for innovation and renaming old things turned us into complete idiots?
I mean, what if they renamed alopecia, head lice? Is this true???? Am I spewing fake news????
I dont even know anymore. All I want to do is find out if its true or not. And go swimming. Thank god summer is finally here today. I have no clean clothes nor any motivation or extra cash to do it properly (those big washers are $6 a load and I have about 4 loads, plus drying... oh i guess its not too bad, im just lazy- more on this later) so in consequence I wore one of the last clean tops in my cabinet, which is partially made of wool. And I am gagging again but not because its gross, but because this wool top also has a scarf attachment. I am dying of heat and also this bored looking guy beside me in the coffee shop is kind of freaking me out. Should I go swimming or look up the weird diseased plant leaves I saw today and try to text post them to this here blog?
Only time will tell! And soon, its really sunny and I havent gone swimming all year.