patrice claude roy

i miss patrice. hes gone now i dont know where he didnt say. i miss pat because he was so smart. he was so smart and he was so sweet and well meaning. ugly as hell though we cant always choose what we like or look like. i miss him a lot but just as a friend. he was the worst partner ever. im betting his neurosis rivaled mine but you wouldnt know it. what i liked about his smarts was how i would innocently ask about why something was the way it was and more often than not he would launch into this explicit and fact based mode of relaying kind information so i would understand it and also he never sounded like a braggar nor did he ever chastise me for not knowing something. because he reads a lot a lot of stuff is hidden from him so when he discovers sonething new he would dive right in and read everything he could about the topic until he was totally immersed in thoughts of it. those were the times where i couldnt reach him and he was off in reading land. he also wrote quite a bit and was such an incorrigble troll online. always stoking a fire and instigating perverse thought from canadians online. his french is so heavily accented i never could understand any of it. and the photos of all the stuff he painted and built. what a talented sweetheart. i adore his family home and farm and swooned at an outside deck / patio he built around the house when he went home a few years back. he showed me the photo and i asked where he bought the wood for the pretty white bannister and he said "what do you mean, i cut that." and i marveled at how neat the wood looked all these straight lines with a decorative top at each segment like the ones you buy in home depot, but so much nicer definately looks bespoke. if you can call a bannister bespoke. his family home is like some lind of heritage house its ginormous and theres even an addition. he said his family is from napoleons line. it complimented my families rizal line. he painted a lot of film sets. when he would do speace and sci fi it looked so fucking real i would just stare i couldnt understand how he did it with just paint and wood. entire spaceships. anytime he would work in film i begged him to take photos of the work he did because he was exceptionally talented with paint. even though he went to school to become an engineer he took a left and made it out in the film industry instead. i wonder what the world would be like if more artistic men like pat ran it. certainly all illcits would be regulated. and women would go for shorter men. probably. pat was just as tiny as i am but hes much more fit. when we were close but shy at each other he worked out a bit and his tiny little body was so proportioned with a broader upper back if you saw a photo you couldnt tell he was my size. i could put my arm around his shoulder and he could mine plus looking at him eye to eye was a cinch. i loved his proportions and could draw him for hours if only he would be willing to pose nude for me but hes the trype to be shy about it and wouldve scoffed at the idea and claimed it preposterous. i miss patrice and wish he wasnt so mentally crazy and ill when he would get caught up in his emotions. he kept a lot inside and would show me which made me laugh but i also learned how to keep my mouth shut a little bit more. i wonder if we will ever hang out again and if we do if patrice will get over his imagined thoughts of me and apologize for all the trouble he wanted to cause. i wanted to be more involved with patrice and share life but he is much too independant of women and a total bachelor til death i dont doubt it. he enjoyed his freedoms and his dalliances with other women friends and it meant nothing to me except i would see him less. when we slept on the same bed we slept like the dead. there was something so comfortable in sleeping by your best friend that our bodies would fall into such deep relaxation that time froze and we would sleep for enternities. since hes been gone ive been mostly quiet and only recently found another conversation to ramble on about nothing with. im sure if pat met my newer friend they would get along because they share ansimilar character. nothing cones close to patrice though. i dont regret the less than a decade knowing him it was about 8 years of pure friendship with patrice- the whole time both of us sick as dogs and struggling with life because we are so imaginative everything in life made no sense and we were always wrong or wronged. so we had each other to complain and lament to. now that pats gone i do tend to take it seriously that i am lacking smarter friends who can explain things to me but i dont mind it as much anymore because i guess i forgot some parts of pat and certainly the parts i didnt like because now i just miss my friend patrice claude roy.