draw me

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Well call me smitten I think I’m falling in love with the idea of me being able to actually consider falling in love properly. I might not have been able to address my personal issues with the right vocabulary but it doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about them. Falling in love for me means only one thing I lose sight of everything else and go absolutely bonkers and then I feel embarrassed because Catholic lol fuck that I’m old now so I’m gonna do the responsible thing and consider what falling in love actually means. There’s nothing better than falling in love right ? finding a new ice cream flavour or that special new edition potato chip that you never tried before but the flavour is like super good or a mix tape, a piece of artwork, or something somebody said to you one time, these are things that make me fall in love sometimes but sometimes it’s more complicated than that. For example my feelings for Patrice God I hate that man I wanna murder him but I also love him and tenderly with a lot of affection so I likely won’t and try not to harm him at all.  If I could be friends with Patrice without his horrible terrible behaviours that drive me absolutely up the wall I would truly be in love with him but it’s how he is that causes me such distress so doomed to be friends frenemies whatever you want to say really. We don’t speak thaaat much, companionship is more presence and enduring presence i find with pat. Now onto finding that boyfriend though, damn thats hard isnt it. Im not even picky. But i suppose there just arent enough decent men around here. Might have to go deep in my mind to find a way to get my siren call heard by mermen in surrounding waters. See patrice isnt a merman he is a painter of Trompe-l'œil for film. Oh god that was hard to spell and now my font is different from the cut and paste. Such is the way of the life of nico. Yes indeed every time i take on a new meaning i change a little bit…