What a shitty day for me

Yup did nothing but realize i dont like porkchop as much as i would like for him to take up so much of my time and demand so much of my attention which i am starting to figure out is the most important part of me that other people want. So i have to work on my boundaries again because i forgot i was doing that. Like im in a yucky place now due to stigma and the fact that other peoole robbing me of my authority over my own life is as simple as them believing in what they know of me without having met me. They wont ever know me because they dont want to. They want me to understand what they believe they know of me. They want to teach me a lesson they didnt learn but understood i learned it in the past so they want me to understand how they are teaching me a lesson today. Im profiled to myself by other people who dont know me so how will they know they just gave me all the details of my ex, my cousin, my dad, my lover etc. in a way that makes it seem like ill be made out to be a paranoid narcissist if i believe its about shaming me or shaming my friend or family to my face. It happens too frequently and i recognize it from guys trying to book massages years ago but in a really perverted or sneaky way that points to mens paranoia and entitlement in claiming a womans time and intention. They used to call in packs of twos or threes where for example i have no bookings that day and will get one call from a gent who tells me his details and books a time then another will phone and book an hour or two after or before and ill consider and say yes or no then the first person who booked will cancel if i said yes to the second bookingx or if i said no will maybe keep the booking or it will always have been cancelled cos ill get another call from a different person but he will have all the derails the first guys told me and this will be my real appointment and if i go through with it, it wil have been totally fine as if i never got harassed by punters all day prior.  Those were the worst kinds and im glad i havent been taking bookings or have had to work reception or anything like that for so long now that these days all i notice is men falling in love with me while trying desperately not look like an idiot cos likely the dude was making fun of me with his buddies for years and then as they get to know me blam! Cant shake em off like spit hits the ground. What a shitty day.